Music Is My Ventriloquist

2009-01-21T20:17:00.000+11:00

Find me on http://blog.livedoor.jp/darkcloudv2/

Time For A Change

2009-01-13T22:01:00.001+11:00

My blog will be discontinued until further notice.

That will be all.

So This Is The New Year

2009-01-02T09:47:00.002+11:00

Yet again I spent the New Year somewhat lonely. The time when you feel most melancholic is the time when you come to great realisations. My family were outside just drinking and chatting and pretty much enjoying the night while I was indoors with the other kids watching them play video games. I stared at the screen but uninterested in what was going on in it. The feeling was so dull and lifeless. It started on New Year's Eve.

I was working at my newfound job (Optus/Telechoice) most of the day. During the lunch hour I went to visit Chris and Francis who were hanging out at Norita with some other techs. It's kind of gay that everyone keeps going to Norita to play poker all the time but the main thing that kind of got me down was to find that Chris now had found a girlfriend. It was the very same girl he regretted kissing while drunk the night of that Susan girl's party because he liked her friend who was apparently 'perfect' for him. It had me confused about what the fuck was running on in his mind. It was just a crap feeling knowing that your friend who usually hangs out with you a lot will now actually hang out with you almost never. Maybe. I just hope he doesn't get whipped.

After work I proceeded to hang with them a short while again before having to leave for Manly because the buses stop running at around 7. While leaving I was forced with a decision to stay or go when Richard looked at me for 20 seconds after saying 'ARE YOU LEAVING?' Normally that would just make me laugh but that actually made me think seriously for a bit. I actually considered staying. I don't know why but I left.

Something that I came across made me regret not staying that. Before John died in the film 'Into The Wild' he wrote in a book "Happiness only exists when it's shared." I didn't watch the entire movie but those few minutes really spoke to me. Should really start on my resolutions. And I should really go out with my friends more often. If only I wasn't so busy with work. And I don't think I'm going to university. It pains me to say it but I don't mind as much. I was never the prodigal child. I was just the joker.

It's Not Alright, I'm Not Alright

2008-12-18T10:25:00.003+11:00

For 12 years I've dreamt of success and something more. And although in the later years my expectations dropped a little I still retained a sense of hope. It took two seconds for me to realise that truth in my potential. My dreams are unachievable and I've nowhere left to go. My UAI is terrible and I'm feeling about as low as it is. Where did it all go wrong? How did it end up like this?

They say "it's not the end of the world" and "things'll be fine" but how the fuck should they know if they did good. I honestly expected much more from myself. Was I not committed enough? I tried, god knows I did but from what my results say it was obviously wasn't enough. I tried so hard to catch up that I didn't even understand what I was learning anymore.

So what's left for me? I didn't get into any of the courses I have a mild interest in. And if I do do something in university, it's likely I'll have little interest in it. Things are a blur and this post is so disconnected. I can't and won't enjoy my day. Perhaps it might even affect my week. I'm so happy for others. I'm envious but I'm glad they got what they got. They were rewarded for their efforts, I understand that. Congratulations to those people who got a decent score. It's disappointing to hear someone say they failed and then hear them say they got 80+. Most especially when you tell them you got a 62. And now this number here will forever be associated with my failure.

Right now, I close my eyes and imagine my whole neighbourhood, as though in every house there resides a year 12 student. And from birds' eye view I look down through their roofs. And in order they each stare at their computer screen before leaping with joy and running down to impress their parents with their UAI. This happens for about 10 houses before it gets to mine. I stare at my mark and put down the laptop before sitting on the side of my bed holding my head in my hands. And the camera moves onto the next house. Another satisfied student.

It doesn't feel like the end of the world but it does feel like the end of my life. This is first thing in my entire life that I have ever regretted. This moment in my life I will never look back on and laugh. How I wish just to be someone else right now, anyone in this world. Just so long as I don't have to deal with the pain and anguish. Even lying in my bed trying to sleep hurts me. My chest feels heavy as if I'm about to cry but I don't. I can't. I won't.

We Will Never Believe Again

2008-12-16T02:25:00.002+11:00

In two days comes the biggest day of your schooling life of anyone who has studied as a year 12 student this year. We get back what we sent in weeks ago. In no time at all, I'll be looking at numbers that determine the course of my life. Where I'll end up is anybodys guess. How I end up there will be depending on what I get. And the reactions I might get will differ dramatically. From a excited rejoice to a heartbroken sigh, to a quick bouncy cheer to a short sob or cry.

My parents have reinforced the fact that the world won't be over if I don't get into university. I've even believed that fact up until now. I don't feel like I can succeed in life if I can't even succeed in my studies. I'm worried but only in my mind. My gut tells me I should dodge the bullet when the shot is fired. I suppose that only makes sense. Sometimes I'm a little paranoid.

On a lighter note, Metal Gear Solid 4 is friggin awesome. Fall Out Boy has written a rather good record. Crisis Core had a sad ending. I'm going to paintball tomorrow. I will not be getting a piercing. I need a haircut soon.

On a more darker note, it has recently come to my attention just how easily the general public can be deceived through film. Who knew a little bit of make-up, camera angles and lighting effects could make someone fall in love? Hollywood is an expert at creating such illusions. Day in day out people fall in 'love' with such characters in whatever role they play in whatever film they star in. I think that films like that is what makes divorce so easy these days. Everyone wants their Mr. Right or Miss Perfect. In 10 fuck ups, people think that it's just not working. Whatever happened to staying together for the kids? Divorce is more common than marriage these days.

Everyone thinks that they're the main character in the film that is life. Truth is, we're all just the best friend, we're just the person next door, we're just the passerby and we're just the observer from afar. We play our part and then we retire. New actors are born every minute anyway.

Where The Loyalty Lies

2008-12-12T19:13:00.002+11:00

I had almost forgotten about this blog to be honest. It's hard for me to be interested in things for too long and I tend to dwell on things I'm never able to have for too long. The fact that I had been capped and my busy schedule contributed to my procrastination for this post but here I am, writing again. I'm not sure if I'll continue to post daily because I'm beginning to recount my life. I blame this on my shitty recounts of my trip to Japan.

Ahh...Japan. That's exactly where I want to be right now. During my time there, I didn't begin to miss Australia at any point. Sure I missed my friends and family but it wasn't something sigh-worthy for me. The only thing I was sad about was not getting to enjoy Japan enough and not having enough money to do just that. If someone gave me residence there, with no hesitation I would accept that offer. The people there are just so much more accepting and comfortable to be around. The shopkeepers and restaurant owners (as you know) have an extreme sense of etiquette as does anyone else in Japan working in a business that deals with outside people. Australia just doesn't match up with that. It's hard to explain, I suppose you would have to experience first hand to fully understand my comparison.

There are also small differences that Japan and Australia share. One I found extremely interesting was that no one ate while they walked. No one carried bottles of water or other drinks around. Which is probably while their streets are clean. Also finding a bin on the street is rather difficult in Japan because they don't seem to have any. On trains, mobiles have to be set to silent mode and speaking on the phone on the train is considered to be rude. Japanese trains are a single carriage with just seats to each side and a large standing space in the middle. They also don't shake around as much as Australian trains so it wasn't a problem for me to stand and not hold onto anything to keep me steady. The McDonalds (yes, I ate McDonalds) in Japan is just that much better than the Australian Mcdonalds. There is just something about the diluted Coke in Japanese McDonalds that just makes it a whole lot tastier. Like tastier than the normal Coca Cola you can buy. It's strange. And god, the Juicy Chicken meal was extremely delicious and a treat for the taste buds. The chicken piece is crisp but so tender on the inside. It's coated with some kind of chilli so it's spicy as well as juicy. Then it's covered with fresh lettuce and Japanese mayonnaise (which is the best) before it's encased between two fresh buns. The fries are also extremely fresh and evenly salted. The meal is unbeatable. No McDonalds in Australia will ever satisfy me like the Japanese one has. Period.

I think it's safe to say I love Japan. I was depressed for the entire flight back to Sydney. Stopping over and the Gold Coast only just strengthened my depression. The ridiculously hot temperature at 6am gave me something to detest about returning. It's been okay. I mulled over the fact that I'm not going to be able to enjoy Japan for a very long time. My Aunt said something to me that made me stop and think for a second. While complaining that I missed Japan she said to me "It's finished now. You went to Japan and had your fun. Now, things are back to normal." That made me think abuot how it was all a dream. A dream that was too real. And how when you are forcibly awoken, you just want everyone to fuck off so you can get back to dreaming. That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm at that point where you're just too awake to fall back asleep. Fuck normal, I want something more.

"Life's too fucking short not to try."

aTTention!

2008-11-25T04:35:00.000+11:00

http://caloriemates.wordpress.com/

Photos aren't up as of yet and the possibility of an upload is unconfirmed.

Infamous Last Words

2008-11-22T12:43:00.002+11:00

I've always thought that I would live a short life but I predicted I would die in a car accident of some sort. I don't want to take my chances and not say what I have to say. So I'll say what I need to.

I don't regret a single moment of my life. I love my true friends and I'm tolerant of my acquaintances. I appreciate everything that is said to me whether positive or negative. I'll miss you all while I'm in Japan and I'll still miss you if something goes wrong and I'm haunting some poor bastard. If I die don't forget me, but if you do I won't be sad. I've had a good run and if I can come back in one piece, I'll make sure I do greater things. I have big dreams but not enough courage.

I'll make sure I'll laugh as long as I breathe and love as long as I live. To the people I have wronged in the past, my sincerest apologies. I can only do better. And to those that I mean something to, you are not forgotten. I have big love for all of you and if not yet, maybe sometime in the future if we ever get the chance.

If I die, I entrust my faith (and perhaps beliefs [minus sexism) to Lizi, my ability to unconditionally love to Francis and my skill set to Chris. The rest of the world can take their pic from the rest of my remaining soul.

Adios Australia. Hopefully this isn't my final goodbye.

Good Intentions

2008-11-20T23:26:00.002+11:00

Just under an hour ago I wrote a short rap which is awaiting review from my two designated critics. They haven't received it yet because they aren't available for me to send it to but hopefully they will be soon.

At any rate, I'm somewhat underprepared (yet again) for my trip to Japan. I don't even know where my ticket is and my room was as messy as it was from Day 1 of the HSC. I should get to cleaning it tomorrow evening. My clothes are all in this basket in front of my closet and I should get to organising that stuff to.

Centrelink has fucked me again. I was told to get online and register with my reference number. And I did, and when I tried to set a password and some secret questions they went to a page that said:

'This service is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later.'

which seriously annoys the fuck out of me because there are 5 questions. And I continually have to type them along with my personal details. It's like they forbid me from wanting my goddamn youth allowance. Fuck government, fuck centrelink and fuck capitalism. (However, I do not support communism)

I've taken a small interest to dancing and it's getting increasingly influential. I want to dance but I know I can't. I suppose trying it out won't hurt, unless I try doing a backflip. Breakdancing should be the final step and C-walking will be the first. I don't know how dancing deviated to shuffling and jumpstyle. I shake my head in disapproval to dances such as those.

On The Agenda

2008-11-19T23:25:00.002+11:00

I think I'll get fancy with the dot points.

♪ Clean up my room (and then find my plane ticket)
♫ Play Fatal Shadows before I leave
♪♫ Get money exchanged ASAP.
♫♫ Figure out where the fuck we're going to go
♪♫♫ Figure out what we're gonna do for Ms Abson and how we're going to organise it
♫♫♫ Buy a Japanese fashion magazine for the heads up on the different areas with different fashion influences
♪♫♫♫ Write at least 3 songs before these Summer holidays end
♫♫♫♫ Make at least 1 video before these Summer holidays end
∞ Have a summer love?

There's more I think but I've forgotten. Anyways. That's me

The Man With The Horse

2008-11-19T00:46:00.002+11:00

It was a rather sluggish day. I got attacks of drowsiness but they were only for brief flashes. I finally went to Shinka hair in Galeries (that is how it's spelt I've found) to get my hair cut. It wasn't everything I wanted and the service was a bit slow but I've grown to like Shinka. The guy wanted me to have split hair for some reason and he wanted me to straighten it. I understand his idea of style but I really don't like that kind of hairstyle, especially as it's rather outdated and stupid looking to me.

Got there at 5:15 and ended up leaving around 7:10. Two hours is a pretty decent time but I dunno, I guess I'll try it again in the near future. We taxi-ed it to Shangri-La and upon entry into the function, I began to spread my greets and expand my reputation by meeting up with old friends and subtly and sometimes subconsciously flirting with their dates. No harm done in just a friendly chat, right? After an sickening meal, a game of eye-spy, telling jokes around the table, hanging with Jason Mraz, circling the entire area and an array of photos had been taken and I danced awkwardly and stupidly with Fiona and YY (who looked amazingly different) I knew it was time to leave.

Duty Called. So to speak. Left with David, Leith and Pat and we had a wonderful, extreme time. It was truly a night to remember. Personally I would have minded staying. I had set my sights on my potential girl of the night which would happen to be Daniel's date. I would subtly play her and see how things would go from there but I do have a sense of morales and decided to step out of the ring. I left a rather strong impression for someone I've spoken to for about 4 minutes altogether. She took a photo of us and hopefully that was my calling card to her. If I'm lucky, she'll find me. And even if she doesn't I wont be sleepless.

Another late post but it's to be expected. I'm not about to rush home to make a post just so I can be on time. I'll probably post something up later today. That's depending on whether I attend that random afterparty. It's unlikely though. But I am looking to get back into the game. I'm ready.

Reliable Sources

2008-11-18T02:13:00.002+11:00

Well TPG timed out on me again rendering me internet-less for at least three hours and becuase I usually make my posts during 11pm to midnight I was unable to blog anything yesterday. It doesn't look as good to have a missing date but there will be times like this of course so I shouldn't have to worry too much.

I have a strong feeling that the Tech formal is going to be a truly homosexual experience with my calculated ratio of 7:1 (guys to girls). The plans for Chris' afterparty fell through leaving me nowhere to go after the formal. That is, if I even stay that long. Tomorrow will be a boring day. I'm sure of it, I feel it in my bones.

My formal suit is just regular suit but the pants don't match the jacket. Hopefully it's not blatantly obvious. I've gotten Shenea to lend me her thin (female) tie which I didn't know about until I went and picked it up. But I suppose it sort of works with what I'm wearing.

I just watched Hancock and I think I can safely say it was an average movie. No aspects of it were excruciating to watch but none of it was extremely exciting. The concept is nothing new I guess, just another story of unrequited love with some expensive CG. However, the gunfire I noticed was poor. The CG was just rattling yellow stars and yellow lines running across the screen. The story wasn't sad as some thought and the ending I thought was gay. The one month later was kind of lame. The characters were lacking development because they felt empty. Sort of like a summarised comic strip which occured the same in Max Payne. Like in Max Payne, Hancock's characters felt like they were rushed. For instance, they feel a certain way about something but that feeling is changed rather easily and quickly to suit the atmosphere of the next scene. Or something like that.

Pa-RTY. Index Finger times.
Strange dictionary letters.

Progression

2008-11-16T21:03:00.003+11:00

Things have gone all topsy turvy on me so I have no idea what's going to be going on this week. However, things are somewhat looking up because schedules have shifted around enough to give me ample time to work for money and etc. Some things I hadn't crossed my mind came up too so I'll have to think about that as well.

I have a bad feeling that my formal attire has had a wrong turn. I'm missing the black tie and my shoes are kinda lame. I'm not sure in Shinka does styling like Kippo, but let's just hope they do. I'm not sure if I should go with a casual belt and I don't have any proper pants to go with what I'm wearing. I'll go and mess around with things before I actually decide what I'm going to wear.

Life and its unexpected surprises.

I had a dream about not wanting to have unprotected sex.

Full Of Experts

2008-11-15T23:47:00.002+11:00

Today I was directly cut down from exclaiming that a cat can change the shape of its pupils. I didn't know everyone knew that already. Something else I've found is that I get dizzy very easily. I wonder if you can die from dizziness? Does it fuck with your brand so much that you just faint or something? It'd be a shit way to die.

I'm still dizzy after spinning around on that thingy at the park about an hour ago. That stuff can do a lot of mental damage to someone.

No matter how I look at it I don't have enough money to survive my schedule this week. Not to mention I'm still kind of in debt to a lot of people. Why did I have to plan so much shit? Fuck. Will need to cut back on expenses I guess, and work a little more. This is gonna be a long ass week. I'm still not ready for Japan. I haven't exchanged the currency or talked to my mum about it or found my ticket. Better get serious on that soon. Which means I may have to delay some of the events that are going to take place in the week ahead.

The Friend I Never Met

2008-11-14T21:39:00.004+11:00

I spent all night last night watching 'Wanted' and some Samurai Champloo episodes. Wanted was actually a really exciting movie and the effects were just mad crazy. The plot was kinda underdeveloped and involved too many twists but I suppose it worked in a crazy way. The infiltration scene where he just runs, shoots and takes guns was just magnificent. Samurai Champloo was just as good and I thoroughly enjoyed (again) the Nujabes, Fat Jon, Tsutchie and Force Of Nature instrumental tracks throughout each episode.

And when the sun rose, I instantly thought back to the last time I saw the exact same thing. Alone from my bedroom window, once again I took in the view. The song 3x5 was the only thing I could think about. The last time I saw the sun rise was during trials when I couldn't get any sleep. Immediately after seeing the sunrise, I wrote a song in my stupor. It wasn't the best thing I've written but it was certainly something. Finally, something.

The grogginess had a everlasting effect and evaded my hits of caffeine. The coffee worked for about 10 minutes and the V lasted for about 2 hours. I just could not pull myself together this entire day. Avoiding sleep is definitely something I should not do.

Anyways a brief outline of my planned schedule (subject to change):
Saturday: Work and then hanging with Shenea
Sunday: Catching up on sleep
Monday: Work + Sign Out Day + Monir's thing (if he's going to do anything)
Tuesday: Work + haircut + formal + whatever happen's afterwards
Wednesday: Challenge Lizi
Thursday: Catch up with Monique (if possible)
Friday: Reunion with old school pals - may reconsider
Saturday: Pack and go the airport
Sunday: 3...2...1...Blast off!

It's not long now til my departure. I think I'm the only one who's scared. It may be the last flight I ever take. I can't help but think negative thoughts. Plus the exchange rate sucks, I may run out of cash. Maybe going to Japan isn't such a good idea after all...

High Notes

2008-11-13T22:50:00.002+11:00

As annoying and pestering children may be, they bring us true joy. They can make us smile uncontrollably because of the way they are. They're simple minded, not in the disasterous sense, but in the way they enjoy things whatever they may be. Bouncing a ball may as well be the most interesting thing they have ever done. It's when they really enjoy themselves you realise just how complicated life has gotten. But we can't help what we have to do. Our lives are predestined and we can't stay like children forever. Sometimes I feel I've grown up too fast and other times I'm too childish. I suppose I like the idea of never having to worry about the things an adult has to worry about. The idea of responsibility has yet to dawn on me.

I enjoy sport. I just don't participate enough because I'm not good at it. And I'm not dedicated to it. But I can play, just not with people my age because boys my age are competitive. And I don't want to be a burden for my team.

I'm beginning to love music so much that if I ever like a girl, she has to have some sort of taste that is coherent to mine. I think that will score her many many points or at least make me want to open my heart to her. The chances are extremely low though. Not every girl I come across will bounce to Funky DL, or chill out to Nujabes. And it's likely that same girl won't rock out to Blink 182 or sing to Jason Mraz. To find a girl who can just lie down on the grass with me listening to Uyama Hiroto, to me, would be the most romantic and possibly arousing thing I would ever experience. I love the idea of love.

But I'm in debted to reality.

Defeated

2008-11-12T23:45:00.002+11:00

I've had to pull my own weight to pay for my own insurance meaning having to work more and less free time for me. But I suppose 12 days rocking around in Japan should be sufficient time to enjoy myself, hopefully =]. It's not long til I depart Australia and go to Japan so I'm very excited about that. Will have a blog running and will link it from here so keep your eyes peeled. By the by, during my time in Japan, I'm going to take a break from blogging at The Avenue and instead just recount and recap just what exactly is going on, in the usual Garmon style of course.

Apart from wasting an entire day, eating fish and chips and working I've accomplished nothing. Just went to Chris' house and we watched 'Lighting the spliff', 'Haiti Weatherman' and 'How can you slap' on youtube. Also check out 'beached whale'. I just lolled at all of them.

I think I need to start gaming. My eyes have not been fed enough bloodshed. And my grammar is getting really really bad. I feel I'm beginning to write in circles and that I continually repeat what I've already said. Hopefully the new Call Of Duty game will change that. Or something.

Gawd, someone needs a life =D

Resolution 1280 x 1024

2008-11-11T22:45:00.002+11:00

I've finally ended up writing a Mraz-esque song but the lyrics don't match. And it's really frustrating. I wonder if singer songwriters like Mraz and Mayer suffer through what I have to. My end result isn't even that good. They might suffer a whole deal more.

I have much to do before the new year comes in. There are many people I have to see again, rekindle old friendships and whatnot. And of course, musically develop myself. From what I remember I have to hang with Lizi, Monique, Roman+Abhinay, Johnny, Lillian and Chris. I have many 'projects' I have to do. Some involving heinous crimes and some involving strings and sound. All in all good fun I suppose.

Christmas is always celebrated early.

Slowly Getting There

2008-11-10T23:17:00.002+11:00

Last night I had to write something. It ended up being a unfinished rap but I suppose it's better than nothing. Because Johnny hasn't returned my microphone I can't really record anything either. But things are coming to me. Ideas are being created and the machinery is working again.

I had good fun at david's 18th. To sum it all up I played COD4, soccer and made nyam's, or however it's spelt. We watched two terrible sparring competitions and I gazed in awe at the swords that Jenny got for David as a birthday. Towards the end of the day I travelled home alone, like with the rest of my life. I'm not as social as I wish I could be, I suppose.

But the positives are, I've got some ideas. And hopefully they can evolve into something more.

Substantial

2008-11-09T22:35:00.003+11:00

Spent the day at Johnny's place. His guitar pedal is just amazing. I never knew just how easily 'Bigger Than My Body' could be played. All it needed was just a simple effect. Johnny's dad made me some awesome pho and i mucked around on the ps3 whilst Henry, Jaxon and Edmond played poker. Also did some music recording. I'm not sure if it's me but my singing has really gotten rotten. I have to practise singing.

I want to start writing my own stuff again and I've found it's really difficult. The biggest problem is I want to write about something. Before, I'd just write random stuff and about girls. And I guess that is kinda immature to write about. But I can't write songs on the intelligent level that John Mayer does. Or Kele Okereke. And my rap styles aren't perfect. I'm not sure if it should be tune first then lyrics or lyrics first then tune.

In year 9 I had a lyrics book and just wrote random lyrics in there. A year later I learnt to play guitar and just put sang all those lyrics from the book. Maybe I should start lugging a notepad around and do it how they used to. Paper and pad. Yes, that's exactly what I'll do. Tomorrow. Need to sleep to wake up early tomorrow and work for money to go out.

In A Long Time

2008-11-08T23:09:00.002+11:00

I think now everyone shares the same feeling of boredom. The infinite boredom that accompanies a completely HSC. All of us left with the same feeling...what to do now...? It's the most annoying feeling ever. Sure it's relaxing, but fuck how boring is it? I have a feeling that the next few posts will be about me bitching about how boring things are. But don't worry, I'll try to make things as interesting as possible.

Lately, I've been bombarded with the same question from all of the adults who personally know me. "So, what are you going to do now?" I honestly have nothing to say to that. I've set my sights on a low UAI course called creative arts at Macquarie University which I don't know much about? The course name sounds so limited. I don't want to tell them I want to become a famous musician. That what I want though. What I'll probably end up doing will most likely be something lame. I just hope I don't end up homeless. I can't break that rule; the homeless asian rule. There can't be any homeless asians.

For the first time, I've trained my observation skills on fashion. And I learn that when wearing a collar shirt, tucking in your shirt makes you look a lot more manageable. The difference between an untucked and a tucked shirt is HUGE. But yes, copied and asian guy walking on the platform. I walked onto the train with my shirt out and go off at my destination with my shirt in. The best fashion tips are free, or at least they should be. COPY PEOPLE.

Finish Line

2008-11-07T20:24:00.002+11:00

I've crossed the finish line. But I lost my shoes in the process. And I only won by default.

This whole day I've just been basically been going places in a car. Everytime I step into the car of a P-plater, I can't help but think I'm going to be the unlucky one and get them involved in a car crash. I know it might just be paranoia, but the probability of a crash with a P-plater is very high. I feel it might happen everytime they make bad turns, they don't indicate, or they speed up on a quiet road. But I guess boys will be boys.

So I visited John randomly today with Chris and Bill. And then visited Jaskirat. And then had some awesome butter chicken at this curry restaurant apparently at North Strathfield called Dawat. Then we jetted away to Abhinay's. There we played Guitar Hero which as the rumours held is fucking awesome. And we also played a bit of snap. Let me tell you, Snap may feel like a child's game but you don't know how fucking fun snap is. It's such an awesome game. Seriously. I was pwning Bill and Chris at snap but somehow, Abhinay and his black advantages took over and he outsnapped me.

Then Abhinay the generous contributor gave me a lift home. I've never felt so in debt in my life. Petrol is like the most expensive thing ever. Like, I thought bananas used to be expensive. Abhinay basically gave me $20 and placed me at my house. I have to find a way to repay him for his great deeds. A person who does charitable things like that deserves rewards. He was destined for great things and he still is. I hope his future leads him to where he wants to be. For the record, Abhinay I love you. But in the 'guy love' kind of way. You know what I be sayin'.

Feeling Like Akon

2008-11-06T23:48:00.004+11:00

***edit***
Can you say 'LOL'?

----------------
Wow tonight I had no friends. Everyone was out doing stuff while I was alone at home procrastinating for my coming test. I'm not sure I'll do well but I have had some rapid hope loss after my epic fail in Maths. Which I don't ever wanna talk about again.

So I've half crammed for my test tomorrow and I'm planning to wake up tomorrow and finish cramming in the morning. I will strive to do well but I don't think I have the heart to give it my all. But that's alright I suppose. I was never really good at school or anything like that. I learnt all my vocab and English from video games, comics and Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling is an asshat by the way. Indie artists forever =]

For now, I'll play a bit of guitar to relax and hopefully tomorrow won't be as terrible as I visualised it to be. Tomorrow also marks the end of my HSC but I'm not that excited. As far as I'm concerned, my HSC ended when I failed it.

Rethink

2008-11-06T09:13:00.004+11:00

Obama's speech was truly inspiring and impressive. Amazingly, he moved the American people standing before him to tears. I'll never be able to understand why but they've made the right choice. And I hope he goes by his word. Bring up the world economy!

Speaking of speeches, I wonder what in the fuck the American nation was thinking when they voted for Bush. And did Bush give a presidential victory speech? I wonder what he said and if he had produced a similar affect on his audience.

Stay Together For The Kids

2008-11-05T13:53:00.005+11:00

***edit***
I LOLed at this:

Get this widget here

I'm back to Blink 182 and loving it. Their songs are simple yet beautifully constructed. This is the band that I wanted to be when I was younger and still kind of want to be like. They're just so unexplainably cool and it was sad to hear their of their split. The song 'Going Away To College' was something I tried to relate to when I was younger and now I can sort of relate to it.

That isn't that song but just a short video. The clip is gay. But yeah whatever. I miss music like this. Too much shit being released these days that you can't consider music. If I was a little better, I would try to change that. Maybe in the future. For now I'll keep practising. I should get a Blink 182 tattoo hey =]?

p.s. this song in the video clip is called 'Feeling This'

Jazz

2008-11-04T21:56:00.002+11:00

Begun trying to compose stuff again. Had a really short run and then ended up failing again which always sucks balls. Lately I've changed Annabelle Lee's name to Blair because it's just more suiting and appropriate in my opinion. Anyways I've been playing more with Blair than I have with Sae-Yeon because her D string broke and I've been poor so I haven't been able to patch her up.

I hate my amplifier atm. The output is chat and annoying and I definitely need a new amplifier soon after I buy an semi-acoustic. I've only 3 more days before my last HSC test. I'm not excited about it, nor am I how I will fare in this years HSC. It's a scary thought knowing you've spent 6 years learning just to fail. Well...trying to learn. Ish.

After having a talk with my Uncle and Aunt, they both told me that I shouldn't spend money in a haircut in Japan meaning I'll just get cut before the formal to look fresher and awesomer. Perhaps! I guess I should ask that hairdresser if they can dye my hair light grey. My parents will kill me but I won't be able to enjoy life if I can't do reckless things right? Tattoos and crime ftw.

REEEWIND~

2008-11-03T13:59:00.002+11:00

These last few years have been enjoyable. I am glad to have met the people I have met and hopefully they're glad to have met me. I can remember the first day of year 7 when I had no friends and I had no idea what to do at recess. Good times being a lonely person.

I have just found a bunch of songs I used to listen to when I was younger and I've uploaded them all for you to have a listen to and reminisce. I know you know these and if you don't I urge you to listen to all of them. I listened to these songs when I was in year 8.

Thanks to Leah I am now way too self-conscious about my fashion which is not necessarily a bad thing. Although now I have to aim to be fashionable whatever the event even if it's just a family outing. Hopefully, shopping in Japan will do my fashion sense some justice. I think it actually would be very appropriate to upload Turning Japanese by NoFX but maybe another time.

Back To You

2008-11-02T22:29:00.002+11:00

These last few days I've completely forgotten about the HSC and have tried to relax a little bit. However, the phonecall from Chris had brought back those horrible memories and an even more uncertain future. He had given me a call because he had found an alternative UAI calculator not from a BOS site but from some person who made one based on the 2007 results. I told him my approximations for each of my subjects and my UAI came to about 66. That crushed me the moment I heard those two numberes. How unlucky could I be?

The haunting effect sunk in and followed me in my head constantly boring away at positive thoughts. My head hurt with all these questions and my heart hurt knowing all my efforts had been for nil. I'm don't like to hope because usually hope is bitterly severed by reality. I don't want to be a sucker for that. At this point all I can do now is try and do good in Drama.

My parents, my entire family will be heartbroken. And I, even more so, than anyone else will feel that pain of being useless. It's inescapable, I suppose.

A Whole New World

2008-11-01T21:58:00.003+11:00

That title could be a reference to almost anything. Aladdin, Brave New World or even the apocalypse. But for now, it bears a small significance as the first song I ever recorded on my computer using the Singstar microphone coupled with the audio recording/editing software 'Audacity'. It truly does hold true to it's conjunction-ated name of audio simplicity. Yes, I know some of you are saying to yourselves, "Wait, where does the second a in Audacity come from?" The best answer to that question is 'Maybe!'

I shopped for my formal wear because I plan to mix&match. I'm sort of stealing the style off something but fashion is like music. People take other peoples' ideas and take something out and then throw something in. Light pinstripey suit jacket, red shirt and black tie. I'm probably going to go with regular formal pants but may end up just going in jeans.

In the meantime, my next goal is to eat pineapples. And coconuts. All of a sudden I feel so tropical. Oh drama? What do you mean hsc?

Pioneers

2008-10-31T23:04:00.002+11:00

My laptop usage has been decreased down to 8% only touching it twice today; once to check train timetables and once to blogger/facebook. Haven't been able to download any new music or nothing. Supernatural comes out today so I better get on it asap. I'm currently blogging on my dad's Vaio. Either the Vaio is really shit or pressing buttons twice very quickly doesn't work, which is a pain because I backspace really often and use words that contain consecutive consonants. Like butter and mutter and really and chitty and snoop dogg. Yes Snoop contains vowels.

I recently dragged my older speakers into the bathroom to listen to music while I showered. Let me tell you it is AWESOME. Just try it, it really is super cool to listen to music whilst you cleanse your body. That's really all I can say about that...

Tomorrow I am off to op-shop and mix and match for what I'm going to wear to the formal. Or something. Plus I am in crazy debts to everyone and I apologise for being so broke. My reasons are I'm really lazy and wake up late and I don't go to work and I don't get an allowance like everyone else. My parents crucify me when I ask for money so just wait a little longer and everyone will get their share.

I've been bored lately, hopefully Max Payne and COD4 will kill that boredom as I kill people through my computer screen. Fingers crossed.

Before We All Burn

2008-10-30T22:55:00.002+11:00

The curtain draws on care. And I'm already beginning to forget. I don't stand straight and I cannot think it either. Forever stuck in this loop of boredom and debt I gaze out towards the setting sun with heart in one hand and ears in the other. And they both bleed profusely.

Money is not hard to earn. Pushing yourself to go earn it seems to be the hard part of making money. Money, unfortunately, runs the world. Money inspires death, and death loves money, as misery loves company.

Love is tossed away like used paper. No one is interested in making origami. Love is recycled into sex and lust. Fuck buddies and friends with benefits emerge from the heap. We are all users.

We use one other, it is truth. I cannot say that I am not the same. But I want to change. I want to love. And I wanted to be loved. I just fear my mind has already adapted to this generation's thinking.

"You've Changed"

2008-10-29T22:48:00.002+11:00

That shitty phonecall that made everything that was okay, not okay.

I have changed from how I was before. I allowed them to stay over whenever they needed to but just now, because I can't, I'm defying them like I hate them. That's not true but I'm sure that's what they think of me.

"Ever since you became Japanese, you've changed."

I fucking hate people who stereotype me. And even more so when they continually fucking tell me everyday like I'm supposed to change for them.

So what, I like asian music. I can't deny the fact I love singing Jay Chou (well, trying to) every once in a while and I get jumpy to catchy Japanese songs but accusing me of being different because I do is unforgivable. To me, that is as disrespectful as not being someone's friend because they're gay or because they're black. The idea is preposterous and fucking disrespectful.

They cast me away like an outsider. Our conversation is dull. Our friendships are becoming nothing more than previous occurences. The past.

That's fine.
I'm moving on. I don't want friends who think differently of me because I don't fit in with them. They can go and play their dota and poker. And go be cool. Or whatever. Fuck.

Deterioration

2008-10-29T20:52:00.002+11:00

I think I'm going to start to wear bandanas. And hats for that matter. Actually, maybe not. I suppose I'll see what happens. I invented this really nice annoying bell wrist accessory that jingles if you shake your wrist. It looks really stupid but I feel cool wearing it. My cousin's girlfriend told me it was the bell for Doraemon, and it probably is, but I got it from the Lindt rabbits. Or bunnies.

Today was a waste of a day. I just gamed and wrote one song about 'running away.' Not that I didn't enjoy my day. Actually, you know what. I didn't. It was a boring fucking day. Stupid HSC and life restrictions and life directions and doctor's prescriptions. I want some parfait. I have to go to Poporo again very soon.

I've concluded that next year a halloween party must be held. And I'm also probably going to be attending as a Zombrow. Maybe I'll go as something else. But for now, it's a Zombrow. And very in debt. I sense the content of my posts are beginning to smell even more rotten than rotten apples in a sludge of rotten eggs.

Spilt Milk Is The Stray Cat's Favourite Beverage

2008-10-28T23:54:00.003+11:00

Parfait is as delicious as it sounds. It was well worth the wait. The thickness and the bitterness of the ball of dark chocolate at the bottom of that parfait was all too overwhelming. And the ice cream on the top, soft as cream but thick. REAL ice cream. Like it should be. It truly is parfait. The little crunchy bits and the chocolate sponges and the bananas bits and the dried bananas bits just added to the fun and excitement. It was well worth my 9.90. Poporo, everyone. Check it out. What's up!?

Had a gaming sesh with Lease, David, Francis, Jeff, Henry and Sig. CoD4 brought us all together like never before. Men...of honour...and of stature...swearing at each other. Cursing one another for killing them. The array of guns and the flashes on bombs along with the slashes of knives brought together one small nation of 7. It was wonderful times. Tactical assaults, airstrikes and radars causing great chaos on the battlefield. Yes this night was one to be remember. R.I.P. Ginchan, Russell and beefsushi.

Big thanks to lizi who helped me post before the day ended because I got home 10 minutes ago. Hopefully this blog won't save over that and make the post date the 29th of October. Let me clarify that wordpress is not better than blogspot, however I do think she is awesome...to a point.

For the hell of it, I'll leave the image here because it looks nice.

Atmospherical

2008-10-25T13:19:00.002+11:00

I slept a good 3 hours last night. I don't know why I stay up late I just do. Well, in the car doing deliveries it made me realise that the type of music I listen to while I study affects how I study. And I know there are all those people out there who cannot study to music but for me, I can't study without it. But sometimes, the wrong type of music will force me to procrastinate. I haven't really figured out what genre affects what but I guess there isn't a point anymore.

I'm screwed for maths. I hate it so much.

Anyways on a more lighter note, two new Snow Patrol songs. Check it out.

Little Thoughts

2008-10-24T23:37:00.002+11:00

It's not very delicious to know that you're not studying for a test you're 80% unprepared for. Though I can't help but get that feeling with maths. Maths is much more harder to understand than women. Integrals and probability will probably never integrate into my life.

I get two more days to study the shit out of maths. But god knows I'm not going to. I'm going to look over a few questions and become frustrated that I can't solve them. And I'm going to mope over my marks and how badly I did in the test right after.

Or I can do the alternative. I could study. I could try my hardest.

It doesn't feel like I can now but I think back to all those different paths I could've taken. All those moments that I could've changed. And I realise I don't want this to become another one of those moments. Those defining moments that wreck everything.

But I can't help my carefree nature.

Feel Fine

2008-10-23T22:52:00.002+11:00

The last three days have been wasting Mapling and procrastinating. Well, no more! I'm going to quit Maplestory again and try to focus on mathematics. I only have 3 more days to study for something I'm totally unprepared for. After maths I'll really be able to relax. Although I still have just 1 more exam (drama.)

Travelling to the city halfway through the day to study was not in vain. It sort of actually was because I hardly got anything done. I did some probability but that is all I did. Just one exercise. Son of a bitch.

I finally found parfait. Although I think on the menu it was spelt parfeit but I'm not 100% sure. All I know is I was extremely excited when I saw it and I was extremely excited. Found it whilst looking for a place to have dinner with Besney. So I'm excited to go there next time and finally try it. Omg, it'd be fully shit if Poporo got blown up or shut down. How shit would that be?! I'd be fully cut. But I guess I'd go google where else I can go for it. I can't believe it was in that place. Of all the places that I could've picked, it was in Poporo.

So yes. I've fuond the library is 100% ineffective for me to do study. Plus it makes me spend money which I don't have. I think I'll just have to stay at home and study from there/here. Anyways, after the HSC I have much to do. I can't be bothered listing them all because then I'll have to think and right now I can't do too much of that in case I start foaming at the mouth.

Into My Life

2008-10-22T15:03:00.003+11:00

Someone once told me I had a very typical boy room. That's pretty true. Well, it's pretty clean now so I took a few photos to share with you how my rooms looks like. The second laptop isn't usually there (I stole it from my brother). But yes, these are the three important corners of my room. The fourth corner is my door. I'd show you a picture of my door, but then again you could just google door and gasp in awe at the doors galore...hmm are you sure?

But enjoy exploring my (tiny ass) room.

I love this chair. I used it for half a month at dinner and I finally bothered to bring it upstairs. =D

Been listening to Uyama Hiroto on end. It's just too smooth and chill.

Sleeping To Dream

2008-10-21T20:27:00.002+11:00

There isn't a rule in the book of blogging that restricts you from blogging twice in a day right? S'right.

After seeing some fireworks during my bike ride to my cousin's it got me thinking New Year. What will I be doing then? My future will be determined by then. And who will I share the next few years with other than with my family? Who will I be hanging with on NYE? And who will I call to wish a happy new year?

My heart feels like it's all loved out. I want to show more love to my family and friends but I can't. No one's putting that love back in for me. Well at least, they're aren't telling me they are. I don't know.

I miss living closeby to my friends. And I miss late nights in the city.

Anyways, as I choke back my tears of sentiment, I leave you with this.
One Dream by Uyama Hiroto. Lie down on your and listen to this. And think back.

And Dream.

There Now, Steady Love

2008-10-21T01:35:00.002+11:00

Just two more now. Just two more left. I was feeling pretty good about myself actually. About my finished tests. Except my mum had to spoil it by walking in and telling me a very short story about my cousin who never made it into university. Everytime my grandfather asked him "How was your test?", he would reply always with "Not bad." His final result was less than desired scoring under 70. When she came in she asked me the very same thing. And I answered her in the very same manner. Am I fated to lead s rotten and shithouse path like that of my cousin, or is it just our small talk that is similar?

I feel no stress anymore. Although, for the next two tests, at this point in time, I'm very underprepared. For a start, I know nothing about my drama test. And for maths, I'm still a few topics behind. I've pretty much forgotten everything for both those topics (forgetful as I am).

I've perhaps come to a serious realisation today. The direction in which I want to take my musical career is not rock but maybe hiphop. Although both of these genres are being mutilated by 'bands' such as Metro Station and the Jonas Brothers, and rappers like Lil Wayne and Soulja Boy, I think I would do more justice in the hiphop industry.

1. Because it's too difficult for me to find someone who shares the same rock influences as me because my rock influence is very varietised.
2. Because Chris Lee is buying a turntable and his hiphop influence is stronger than mine; collaborative production
3. Because hiphop doesn't discriminate which instruments can be used.
4. Because I'm scared I'll just be playing pop.

That is my ambition for the time being. I hope I look back on this specific post and reflect after I graduate university (that is, if I can get into one first). I would look to see what kind of person I am then in comparison to what kind of person I am now. I wonder what would change.

To future Garmon, I'm trying to grow Gintoki hair and my fringe isn't thick enough. Although apparently guys look like homos in thick fringes, but I'm going to grow mine anyway because I don't care what other people think. Yeah. Take that.

An Afternoon With You

2008-10-20T00:33:00.002+11:00

Tomorrow is my last English test forever. No more analysing stupid texts I don't care about and no more essays about crap + more crap. I think after tomorrow (if I do good) I will be a happy boy.

Just today many people have given me compliments. My cousin complimented my dota song he found on my older phone and Yuki randomly commented on my rap that I wrote. I think I'll stared whoring myself on youtube and gain some mad fame. And if that's not enough, I'm going to the city to serenade people. Of course after my hsc.

I actually have many Post-HSC projects/activities I want to do. I feel good about it all today. And I'll feel even better about it tomorrow. Better start learning singable and popular songs. Gotta learn 'I'm Yours' for all those douchebags that know the song.

Mostly Mraz and Mayer stuff probably. And some random fun to sing songs. But I should get to sleep for the test tomorrow. Wish me luck.
*good luck Garmon!*

Haha thanks inner douchebag! =D

What's Real

2008-10-18T22:59:00.002+11:00

I've already planned ahead of paper 2 because I seem to have a crazy idea that english is easy. I think that's going to fuck me up in the long run so I'm thinking I'll have to revise all day tomorrow. It's not much, only for a day.

I think I'll have to study everyday for maths but I'll have to write a drama essay too. I need something to memorise. If I start tomorrow then I'll have a pretty long time ahead of me, so I think I'll do something about it then.

I spent 50% of the day searching for and downloading REAL hiphop and fuck it was worth it. I was having eargasms for 2 hrs before I decided to stop and go eat food. Seriously I'm beginning to think music outdoes sleep, sex and food. It's just the next level of sexuality.

I should start practising piano again. And I still can't write songs.

Left The Line

2008-10-16T16:30:00.003+11:00

As I predicted, I've failed business studies. Harder than I wanted to. I wish I knew just that little bit more but now there's no chance to go back and do it again. It's gone forever. And I'm feeling like every kind of shit. Francis told me that I shouldn't get emo over it, but I just can't help but feel this way. Especially when I've screwed up so many times before and my attempt to do it right, even just a little bit better than last time, just blows up in my face.

I'm the crumpled piece of paper I threw away last night.

I don't have the heart to study. All the study I'm going to do will feel half-hearted. There's no hope.

Business Studies

2008-10-15T20:58:00.002+11:00

No time to write a nice blog. Just know I'll fail. Goodnight. And good luck to myself.

I've Been A Bad Bad Boy

2008-10-14T23:10:00.002+11:00

I've never procrastinated so much in my entire life. Today should be our national day of procrasination. I got up at about 10 o'clock and then proceeded to have breakfast. Then I gamed for about 2 hours. Then I ate and then I slept. And then I woke up and gamed a bit more then I showered and then gamed a little bit more and then sat down on my computer and went on MSN. How bitterly disappointing. And here I was ready to fight the good fight...well not really. But still very uncalled for.

How to make up for it? I'll figure that out tomorrow la. But I'll go to school and do stuff or something. Fuck one more day.

Calling All Cars

2008-10-13T23:07:00.002+11:00

Today was probably the most unproductive I have ever been at State and I'm disappointed in my actions. Feel kinda bad because my lack of focus influenced others which wasn't my intention. I have all the best intentions, but I was just upset over the fact that Max Brenners didn't have parfait and I was just being restless. To ensure it won't happen again, I'm supergluing my body at home so I'll screw up only my HSC rather than the possibility of others'.

It wasn't all bad I guess. Tokyo Ramen was good. And chatterboxing and paper craning was fun. But I guess I shouldn't be allowed to have fun until I'm properly finished. Ah, if only I wasn't used to such a carefree lifestyle.

With only two days left, things are getting more and more out of hand. I am feeling the most underprepared I have ever felt and be not focusing and studying makes it even worse. I'm not ready for the consequences. I'll just have to study extremely hard for these two days. I can't afford to lose, not now. I'm so close.

Permission To Succeed

2008-10-12T22:24:00.003+11:00

I biked to Croydon Park and back to help Nancy do her composition for music. For someone who started playing at the early age of 5, I find it hard to believe that she has never ever composed anything herself. She told me she wasn't creative at all. That's a waste on the talent she sort of has. Or potential talent that she has.

Now. Three more days til my first test. Just saying that aloud scares me. Shit I really don't have any time at all. And a month from and two weeks from now I'll be jetting off to Japan. Things are moving way too fast.

Since I don't have long, I'll have to try to start sleeping at an early time. I have to get my sleeping pattern normal again or else it's gonna cost me my HSC. I'm kinda scared now but I guess that's a good thing. It's almost over Garmon, keep on keeping on.

Anyways, the new song I've begun to love. (DL over there >>>)

Game Over

2008-10-11T23:53:00.002+11:00

I've quit Maplestory! At least until after the HSC. Since I don't have any games taking up my time, hopefully I'm able to get to studying. A big hopefully. All those teachers who didn't believe in me and my parents too were actually right. There is no way I can magically turn around my shit marks and get top marks for the HSC. But that's okay. I'm not even shooting for the moon. Or the stars. As long as I touch a cloud or two, I'll be fine.

Ah, the High School Certificate. The turning point in one's life. I swear I've written something like this before...

Anyways, to show my true affection to all those around me who I dearly cherish, I will call them each on the Wednesday and wish them good luck for the HSC for I'm thinking I will not turn on my computer during that period. Of course, I'll slink onto my brother's or my dad's laptop and attempt to update my blog or swing by facebook for the usual checkup. Other than that I hope I don't see you on msn and if you see me, tell me to get the fuck off. That's all for now.

I've uploaded a song I've been, for a short period of time, obsessed with. (Sort of)
Watch it here or download it over there >>> (support the artists!)

Show Me How To Fly

2008-10-10T23:59:00.000+11:00

I've been doing a lot of biking lately. It's actually really fucking tiring pedalling uphill as is riding the bike about half an hour to one hour but at the same time, having the breeze caress your skin and blow your hair crazy feels pretty good. I know it did for me. I wanted to stretch towards to sky and embrace the sun and clouds. It was a lovely day. Awfully optimistic. Okay so it wasn't that lovely but nonetheless it was still a clear day. -晴天 reference?!

Today I realised I don't really like people who aren't culturally accepting. Henry said to me today "I'm sick of you being Japanese." because I was wearing a thin green jumper which coincidentally had Japanese writing on it. Maybe he meant it as a joke but either way it pisses me off.

The HSC has got us all on call all the time. But there are still some people who find time to relax. We cut off our friends to try and study but end up talking to them anyway. What I'm trying to say is, that's how we show the love. That's me. Trying to show the love. I don't talk to people I don't really want to talk to anyway. So for all of you who I have started a conversation since the beginning of the holidays. This is a formal 'I love you and who you are. Don't change yourself for the world.'

I really need to study.

I'm Only Good At Being Young

2008-10-09T19:32:00.003+11:00

What Shenea said really made me think. When was the last time you heard "You only live once?" I can't remember. At the time when she said it, I just overlooked it but as my day progressed, it become clearer everytime I thought about it.

Life is just like everyone describes it. It flashes past in an instant. I remember graduating primary school like it was almost a week ago. These last 6 years didn't feel very long but I can remember during my time at Tech, I constantly complained about the never ending process of school; go home, sleep and go to school....and repeat. I look back in retrospect now and understand how quickly things can come and go.

Travelling home today, yet again I felt the sad and dissatisfied faces searching the room for something to marvel at. But there is nothing. The woman in the black suit across from me doing exactly that. Eyes following everyone, observing and anticipating. The balding old man with the headphones and the camo pants sitting downstairs, eyes shut, wishing to drown out his sorrows by listening to whatever he was listening to. Self help tapes or maybe music. The older lady sitting diagonally across me doing the daily sudoku/crossword to pass the time. And the man with the orange hair and glasses next to her, with bad posture, staring down at his laptop bag. When the train stops, everyone looks up to see who gets on. Like they're waiting for someone or something to happen.

I always expect the worst. There is a sick feeling in my gut telling me I won't return from my trip to Japan. That my mum was right all along and that I should've have listened. When you play with fire, you get burnt. But all I want is to touch the flame, to run my fingers across it. That's harmless, right?

There are so many things that I wish didn't have to happen. That people didn't have to go. And that we could all stay as we are. But that's a childish dream. People need to go and do what they have to do. And all the crying and moping in the world ain't gonna change a damn thing.

Breaking The Habit

2008-10-09T03:48:00.002+11:00

I just don't sleep until the early hours of the next morning. A tragic change in lifestyle. I'm sure my health is depleting as time passes by. My posture is even worse.

Quitting Maplestory on Saturday.

I haven't blogged for about 8 days. That's only because everytime I sat down at night, ready to blog TPfuckingG would cut off rendering me unable to access my blog at all. And I hate writing it beforehand on some notepad or wordpad. Writing on the spot is much more preferred and desired.

Nothing new, same old same old. Studying but not quite enough. Poor but not quite broke. Tired but not quite fatigued. Happy but not quite content. I'm constantly always looking to better myself but today I've found I can't be bothered. Today was a horrible day. Sorry I should say yesterday. Yesterday I slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm. And I didn't do any study at all throughout my short but lengthy day. To this moment I haven't moved from my bed except to visit the toilet and feed myself. On top of that I slept two hours as well. Now I'm just waiting for it to be six o'clock. Well, 5 o'clock. I'm going to work at my uncle's shop for about 2hrs and then I'll come home and take a shower. Then head out to the city and study at state. That's the plan for today.

And then. Fail the hsc. I'm feeling increasingly pessimistic and as a result this entire blog has just been me recounting my day. It's kinda gay. I must say. Though I wouldn't have it any other way. (Actually, yes I would)

Time...

For You To Notice

2008-10-03T12:17:00.002+10:00

For me, it seems my sleeping pattern changes as often as my hairstyle does. I can't ever stick to the same one for too long. Lately, it's been 5 hours a night. But it works for me. I take a nap in the afternoon to regenerate for study in the early hours of AM.

I haven't been able to studying anything but business studies. And even then I'm just reading over notes and doing multiple choice. I need to know my content first I guess. I haven't even TOUCHED maths since Tuesday. I can't. It's gotta be the most annoying and conventional subject there is. You always have to do something THEIR way and never yours. Which is what shits me about mathematics. Fucking Pyfagoras. Fucking Bitchson's Rule. Fucking Trapeshutthefuckup Rule. Fuck you, you piece of shit.

I should be studying Japanese and English too. But that messes up what I learn for business. I suppose I'll have to make another one of those 'schedules' that never work. It'll have to do until I figure this shit out.

The new Jay Chou album wasn't as heavily disappointing as I expected. I've grown to like it already anyway. It's true that his newer songs lack that little extra Jay like you could hear in An Jing and Long Juan Feng but he's doing okay after his 6th or 7th album. What is it now?

I've uploaded my favourite tracks of the album. Or the good ones at least. Enjoy.

Parallel

2008-10-02T05:00:00.003+10:00

From my bed I can clearly see out my window panes. The morning wishes to grace the skies but the night is still arguing with it. The fury of violet and white floods the sky with dark clouds accompanying the colours as tranquil as the water running in the creek. And I, still wide-eyed, stare outside. The early birds are chirping noisily, but no one can hear them. Except the late shift workers, the early morning workers and me.

The atmosphere gets me in the mood to think. The smooth sounds of the Kings of Covenience play in the background. The mellow music correlates with what's going on in my head. The world is beautiful when no one's around. The silence furthers its beauty even more.

As I type, morning creeps onto the scene. The night is retiring and the clouds scatter across the open skies. Those who need to go to work wake early. Those who don't want to go to work wake as late as possible. The garbage truck is due out in an hour but the driver is still asleep. In his clean odourless workwear.

A transparent orange now takes place at the base of my window panes. It's reaching up for the sky. And without a doubt, in an hour that's exactly where it will be. How I wish to be like the sky. It wakes the people and tells them it's time to go to work. Just the same as it tells them to go to bed. It shines on the happy people and rains on the unfortunate. And across the world, they all look up to me. And they ask me the same questions. What is out there? Who is out there? Is there anything out there for me? Is there anyone who wants me?

And I reply with silence. If there is, it's up to you to go and find it.

Convention vs. Me

2008-10-01T19:27:00.002+10:00

I've decided that I'm going to post something everyday just to keep this thing going. I suppose the more I blog the more memories I'll have when I look back at this in 20 or so years (if I live that long.)

To be completely honest, I don't think I've properly done any study in the last few days. And already 5 days have passed. I have less than two weeks, around 13 days, to get my act together and learn. Not to mention I'm supposed to be writing essays and sending them in to my teachers. Things aren't looking up. So I think I'm going to try and stay up tonight and super cram/study business studies. I read the first chapter which wasn't too bad. It's true that it's mostly common sense but some stuff I just can't get in my head. I'll just heavy revise and go over the syllabus again. I suppose I'll switch around with mathematics too. There are some things I need to learn. And then I gotta revise my Wakatta workbook.

So much to do. But I never take that into consideration when I'm walking around my house. The real me wants to muck around and play games and pool and eat waffles and pancakes. But ambitious Garmon wants to study. I've never lived with much ambition though.

I'd say I was more the leaf who enjoyed the breeze rather than the ones who didn't want to end up swept into the gutter.

2008-10-01T00:08:00.004+10:00

Pushing my pencil against my paper, I forced myself to pay attention to what I had just written. My were just a few days away and yet I couldn't focus or understand what I was trying to write. English was never my strong suit.

She stared at me from across the table. I knew she was staring but I didn't dare make eye contact for I knew conversation would ensue. I...

I had no idea where the story was going to go. I blinked hard and felt my vision blur. The lines on the paper seemed to be moving up and down. Shaking my head I resumed with my story. I needed an ending. Actually, I knew the ending already.

I had nothing to say. And neither did she.

The window rattled from the heavy breeze blowing the trees outside. I collected the sheets of paper that I had written draft stories on and scrunched them up; I don't need them anymore.

Her accusing eyes were felt even though our eyes never met. I could feel her surveying me, her piercing eyes, full of anticipation. But even she knew how it was supposed to end.

This story felt good.

I tried to ignore her and shun her out of my mind but she was there. I wanted answers, but I feared what she would say. I wanted her to whisper to me words of pretense or at least make it seem like everything was okay. But she was an honest girl. That's what I liked about her. Her honesty and innocence made up for her inconsistencies and illogical approaches to everything.

It didn't seem right...suddenly. I was unsure whether this was the right way to go but I suppose if the ending was the same then it didn't matter? My blunt pencil began to show a lighter shade of writing.

I couldn't take it. I looked. But she wasn't there. All this time I thought she was there but she wasn't.

I paused on my last paragraph. No one likes a happily ever after. Not even me.

I turned the page over. Great, more scrap paper.

Watching The World

2008-09-29T11:30:00.002+10:00

The wind is as free and breezy as ever as I jump from here to there in my room attempting to maintain order in this chaotic clutter; trying to put clothes and books to hooks and rows. There really can be a melacholic feeling with cleanliness. I'd much rather prefer my room to be messy than clean but the kind of messy it is now, is beyond just 'messy'. This is more like an earthquake's aftermath. So this will take a while.

I feel I haven't been studying at all. When I'm not studying, I feel I'm confident with the content but as soon as I pick up a past paper I feel queasy and stupid. I can't shake this feeling. I've tried to go back and revise my notes but I realise I hate reading slabs of words, most especially when I know I have to remember it.

I haven't been doing a shared amount of work either. And I keep changing subject every twenty minutes. My studying method I have now deemed ineffective. Now I'm getting scared. With just a little more than two weeks away I am rushing to learn and super cram my information. Maths is easy but the problem is I don't know how to do the question and how to approach them. And busines is just pages and pages of information. Thinking about the HSC just pains me even more. It shouldn't be so troublesome.

The last week of school was the longest week I've ever had. Although I thought I'd start to feel sentimental on the last day, I was surprised to find I wasn't. In fact I was feeling sort of happy and relieved. Victor has written on his blog that he saw people crying. I looked around and didn't see anyone getting overly emotional. But I suppose there were. The words 'last' and 'miss you' were thrown on a lot. It was a wonderful last day but to me it felt like every other day of my life. I don't understand why I never developed an attachment to school.

That night ended in subtle sadly-baded goodbyes but with the hope of seeing that person again.

On your last day of high school, you know exactly who you wanna stay friends with. All the people you looked for to take photos with are the people you want as your friends after high school.

I don't have a lot of time left to study. And I have a bad feeling about my future. Something about this feeling tells me I won't be very happy and I won't be satisfied with whatever my future holds. Turns out I'm just one of those potential kids who ran the wrong track and ended up behind everyone else in the wrong race.

The Avenue Of Borrowed Time

2008-09-22T04:51:00.005+10:00

Yes, finally, something new to look at. Something not quite so cliche or long. It's perfect for the time being. As you can plainly see, I've decided to go with yet another new look and I think you'll find that this time the theme is more Garmon. Because honestly, how Garmon was that blue background with the stupid house, really? Zero. Exactly. I've gone with a more greyscale kind of approach and I made my own header although the original image is credited to GDALLIS. I've just chucked in a lyric from a song I really liked by Five For Fighting called Two Lights as my blog title.

Some new things I've added include 'Song; Touch & Go' which is just recently mp3 songs that I've listened to and liked and are available to download. But if you do like the music, support the artist and buy the CD. I've added a Hangman widget, so in case you get bored reading this shit, you can just scroll down and play that. I've lost twice and played about 10 times. (I mean seriously, what the hell is porosity?) It's kinda cool, because when you lose it actually gives you a link to learn the word. 'My Entourages' is basically who follows my blog or whatever. I'm not actually expecting a lot of people but it would be pretty cool if eventually this crap lifts off and people will be like 'You're the best, I come here everyday to hear your authentic and so true rants.' after they join my followers thing.

I officially quitted MSN. It's given me more free time. But I've just gone and spent that time on facebook. Although not the same amount of time is wasted on facebook so I guess it's a little better than MSN. With MSN it's really a love and hate thing. Like Microsoft Windows and iPod. And the more recent, pancakes. I've just had way too much chocolate today. Waaay to much chocolate. I hope I don't diabetes or some crap like that.

Today was pretty straightforward. Went to State Library and unexpected met Kenny and Jackee. Spent the day there with Chris, Francis and them two. Also saw Clare, Kylie and Debbie. I think they're beginning to accept me for the crazy person I am, but if they don't I'm not offended, nor do I care. Lizi came later on and we all hung like horses. (LOL) Jackee and Kenny left early only to come back because they couldn't get Jackee's bag out of the locker and had to wait for the locker technician (what a douchebag) who took ages to get their shit. But we left after we found out. Then the four of us who left spontaneously had 'dinner'. Francis and Lizi had some pizza, Chris got ripped off the fish and chips things and I got defeated by the long stack + ice chocolate. Thankfully, Chris the bastard ate off my plate and we beat the plate fair and round. And then we all retired to our respective living quarters.

I got home at about 8 and slept til about 12 and I've been awake ever since. I survived by chatting to Iris at around 1 o'clock til about 3 in the morning. For the last 5 hours I've been (and yes I know it sounds sad) editing my blog. I spent about 3 hours trying to find a custom template but they all sucked balls. In the end, I stuck with the basic one and just edited bits and pieces of it. And I don't know if I like it. I mean, I guess I do, but maybe that's just the me that has given up and trying to make it better. I suppose it'll do for now.

I can hear the morning call of birds already active and from my bed I see the sun preparing to rise. The sky is a pasty violet. I could watch the sun rise. But how romantic is that by myself? Plus I don't have a shirt on. Even less romantic.

There's one more school of week less forever and funnily enough, I don't feel remorseful at all. I don't think I left as big of an impact as I wanted to but as long as I've graced the hearts of those who thought of me more than just a comical douchebag, than I'm more than happy to leave Sydney Technical High School. I'm gonna miss running through the halls of my high school and screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm gonna miss serenading the student teachers and invading Mr Gamage's music room to steal his guitars. I'm gonna miss my drama class, where we just fucked around and tangented on end. But most of all I think I'm going to miss my childhood. At the end of this week, my childhood in effect is over. As much as I hate being referred to as a kid (directed at Yuriberu And Ursie) I'll really miss being one.

Being an adult is such hard work. And it's not even worth it.

Absolution

2008-09-15T23:39:00.002+10:00

I'd like to start off by first saying I'm getting increasingly sick of that stupid house in the background of my new layout for my blog. And the title has lost it's touch. It sounds like a direct quote which is always annoying to see. 'Tonight Make Me Unstoppable' had such force and drive and this one that I got now, although I love the lyric to bits, feels a bit tryhard. So gotta work on changing that.

Lately, I've been getting damaged. And my health points are slowly decreasing. I got the results of my blood test back and apparently I don't have enough Vitamin D. So I checked that shit out on the internet. Apparently, to get Vitamin D I need to embrace sunlight and drink breastmilk. But my mum is telling me that I should avoid eating pork and beef for three months. Thereafter, I'll have another blood test to see how it go. As much as I love meat, I think I'll have to heed her advice. I don't want to be weak. I gotta train up and become the best goddamn pokemon trainer out. Speaking of which, I'm possibly going to the formal afterparty cosplaying Ash Ketchum. It's gonna be a problem finding pokeballs...

So anyways, about my food problem. This means I have to make a diet. It sounds heavily gay but I don't really have a choice. I've begun to already watch what I eat anyway. I now drink water as much as possible, avoiding the coca-cola and regarding coffee...well I quit that shit a while ago (hot chocolate ftw.) I'm trying to lessen the amount of junk food being eaten and increase the amount of fruit and vegetables being eaten. Can hack being unhealthy. It wrecks the mind. And the spirit.

My spending habits are still out-of-control but I know my limits know which is a good thing. The mind is starting to take over habit. I've also begun to study a little. I've already quit msn to try and further my study and it's worked so far. Though I did spend a little time on facebook. I'm trying to control my exhaustion. Everyday I get home, I feel like sleeping. I got to find a way to stay awake without having the resort to a stimulant.

With less than a month away I assumed I would get more serious but it still feels so insignificant to me. This test. The hsc. It will either fuck me up or change my life. And I really want to do good. But my habitual side of me, is too laid back! Mind over matter - I have to think clearly. If only I had a FUCKING MP3 PLAYER, FUCK. This is getting ridiculous. I can't focus if everyone around me is jigging classes to go play dota. Or if people around me are having random conversations. I'm not interested in that stuff, but the way I see it, it's more interesting than what I'm studying and then I get bored of trying to study and then I get carried away and then lah di da di du.

Anyways, rant mode: disabled.

MishJeff's party was pretty lolcakes. Thanks you guys if you ever read this, which I doubt you will. The games were not as bad as I thought they would be. I ended up enjoying myself overall. Minus the part where my finger got sliced open by the $5 crime/yatoclan umbrella. In the whole party, no one tried to help me. Luckily there was a white mage in the party and she healed me. Thank you formally, Bianca, if you ever read this. Then whilst I was healing and they were piggy back racing I was music making with instruments like retards in the background. But twas hilariously entertaining. For me at least. The day was cut short because I had to attend some random gathering which turned out to be a total flop. Spent most of the night listening to music using my old SonyEricsson earphones on my Nokia n95 that my uncle stole from me, and reading Gintama.

I keep suffering damages as I mentioned above, I think. Well, you see, there was the damage on the finger from the party. Yesterday morning I shouldered my own room door trying to leave. And this afternoon, after getting up, I was so stoned I tripped over and stabbed my chest into the corner of my table from Ikea. Later, I realised I hit a bone on my foot as well. So there's like 'a breathing bandage' on my foot atm. Well I'd call it that.

And with that I end my post. Hopefully I'll find something better to replace 'FATTSOS' with.

Blessing It

2008-09-12T18:23:00.002+10:00

I am feeling unintelligent today. However, for you, I will attempt to say something about the shit that's been happening lately. By you of course, I mean my conscience. Let's see. Nothing much.

For the hell of it I'm watching Gintama, Soul Eater, Psych and Californication.

I finally got around to eating 'American Style' pancakes. I ordered the stack. The result was unimpressive although it did manage to satisfy a burdening craving. I was bitterly disappointed when I witnessed a plate served around to my table with three thin pancakes with a scoop of ice cream and some thin whipped cream. This is a terrible stack was what I thought to myself. I ate it, nonetheless, without trying to beat myself up over how much it cost. ($7.90 if you wanted to know)

I ate that chocolate thing with Ursula a few weekends ago. Twas worth my $4.40 and tasted delicious to the end. I had half of it and I was full. Best ice cream ever. Still yet to try the chocolate iced sundae thing which resembles a parfait.

Speaking of which, the sundae at Zowa which I thought would taste parfait-licious tasted like unblended fruits with side chocolates. Was disappointed by that.

Lately, been have lots of oats and miso soup at home. Also I've begun to buy Jump on a regular basis. Skipping the shitty looking mangas seems wasteful but I cbf straining myself to read boring stuff with gay animations.

I made a plan to study but I only ended up half-assing my schedule. And I really wanted to study this weekend but I have to attend Jeff's and visit jolly ol' Freddo who just had an amputation. Poor bastard. That's okay. I'm spending the weekend in isolation from msn.

Yes, that's right you heard me. I found out just how pathetic I was yesterday when msn suffered it's service error. And I kept trying to get online. Wasting hours of precious time. Pathetic man. What have you become? Screw msn. Screw the rules. I (don't) have money.

Note to self.
Owing Annabel $10 (still...)
and Ursie $11
and David $3

Have begun to strengthen my relations with Chris. Which is cool. He's a classic guy. Always drawing dicks in random situations. And making random films. In a way he's very like me. Except he takes 'I don't care what others think' into the next level. Continually beatboxing on the trains and singing in his high and/or low voice. He told me he beatboxxed into his phone under his covers and he'd fog up the phone class and occasionally had to wipe it. I remember doing that too lol.

Ah! Lately, things have been discovered. Although I should have mentioned this stuff at the very beginning. You know, all that jazz. Anyways, Ursie my loving mother, found me some rollerblades (or inline skates, as they're called) for a good price. The colours aren't that fashionable but I just want a decent pair of rollerblades so I don't really care for colour. I just have a bad feeling they won't have my size. I've figured out what to get Lizi so that's good. I still owe Monique her present which I still feel bad about not giving to her. It's gonna be so goddamn belated. It's still good. I just have to think harder. And smarter.

I'm not really one to take to people's song suggestions but sometimes there are exceptions. I've found my music tastes do not at all coincide with Henry's or those peoples anymore. I've perhaps moved on. Or in their eyes, become a fag. But everyone's different. However, I was thinking about this recently and I thought to myself. Is music taste influenced socially? Like, if you hang with a certain group, do you feel inclined to listen to their kind of music in order to 'fit in.' I felt it was like that at one stage. Everyone was all into Hendrix and shit. And I tried to get into it. And looking back in retrospect, I felt I never really took to it. That's me being a sheep. Terrible.

Which, although doesn't really beg this question, begs this question. Do shemales have balls? I'll let you decide Australia. (and/or South America & North America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Antarctica.) Am I missing a continent?

That's all for now. It'll probably be a while before I make my next post.
So for now, Adios.

Crumbling in Bitter Frustration (cbf)

2008-09-07T02:10:00.002+10:00

As I grow older, I think I'm getting less and less tolerating and tolerable. I think I may be growing senile. I rant like an old man and I think like one too. Although I am not heavily racist, I am quite the sexist. I love drinking tea and digressing. My beard/moustache grows as fast as an old mans'. But I won't expand too much on the similarities with me and an old man. Mostly because I can't think of any more examples.

I don't think my taste is strange. In things.

I like oysters. I like egg yolk. I like durian.
I like miso soup.

I used to think it was normal for a family to have a crowbar in their homes.
I used to think that an abusive family was rare.
I used to believe in people! And romance! And love!
I used to think everyone had some form of compassion. But as it turns out, only when it concerns them.

I don't find I like sarcastic people much. I can handle them for only a limited amount of time. Before I end up disliking/hating/loathing them.

I used to think hate was a strong word.
I used to think love was something to be said openly and easily.
I used to be able to trust.

I find girls who have their fringes covering one of their eyes to be an extreme turn on.
As do girls who have anything to do with a electric guitar.

I hate sore losers.
I hate myself for being a hypocrite.
I hate losing.

I hate over-religious people.

I hate that I can't discipline myself.
I don't want it all to end.
-------------------------------------
The condensation on my window panes talk to me. They tell me just how cold this room really is. They show me just how unclear my future is. But if I can wipe all that fogginess away. Then I can certainly change my future. But how can I? When I should be sleeping. Maybe I shouldn't be overly concerned right now. I should just sleep and get up. Open up my window and breathe in the fresh air in the morning. Deal with the sounds of whistling and chirping birds. Deal with my siblings screaming outside/downstairs. Deal with my mum telling me to get my act together. Deal with everyone. And if I play my cards right, I might get lucky.

Snake eyes. Goodnight.

Listen To Yourself

2008-09-04T21:06:00.002+10:00

Yes, yes. It's what everyones talking about. Results, ranks and failure. And with 6 weeks to go...

Things aren't looking too promising.

Of course, I can change that. I will and want to change that. So I've made a couple of resolutions to help me with my resolve. Well, actually I'm just creating them as I write this. Let's see:

Resolution number 1
My laptop is only allowed on from 10pm-12pm

Resolution number 2
Stop borrowing money and ending up owing people (it's a bad habit though nothing really to do with study)

Resolution number 3
Spend every Sunday learning Japanese (either to the max at home or to the max at State [as much as I don't want to go, blergh])

Resolution number 4
Stop going out and wasting time (after this week, I promise!)

Resolution number 5
Plan and prepare. Make a schedule for each week and factor in any possible events. If I must go somewhere I will make time for the missed study time on the weekend or early in the morning

Resolution number 6
Ask the students who are topping your class how they study and learn from their habits

Resolution number 7
Go to Lindt Cafe and try that ice chocolate sundae in a tall glass which almost resembles a parfait somehow.

それできまった。７はﾗｷのﾇﾝﾊﾞーですから７に止まりました。
さて。がばって…ぼくら。ちからがあると思います。
だから、ぜったいにまかさない！

Finding It Harder

2008-08-30T19:06:00.002+10:00

I've found out something not-so-heartwarming about my parents. They care about me enough not to let me go overseas without their parental guidance but not enough to attend my school luncheon. Then again, the overseas thing could just be about money. I just thought my parents and I had some sort of unspoken love but I guess that isn't the case. Though I may just be shaping it out of biased perspective.

My friend Johnson just had an operation. Something to do with a stomach disease thing. Going to visit him tonight. That kind of picture is the really quite sad. A person in a hospital bed with his family and friends gathered around. It could also be seen as the happiest idea too. All your support and all that love at your service. You never really care about someone unless something bad happens to them. Though, for me, I've never really felt that way about anyone. I can feel bad, of course. But there has never been a moment that heartbreaking for me. I wonder if other people feel that too.

The saddest thing that comes to mind is of a boy that lives only with his grandfather. And throughout primary school, his grandfather would carry his school bag to school for him. They would walk to and back to school together. And this grandfather doesn't really have the back to carry things anyway. They would laugh and play together. And the grandfather, whenever he could, bought the boy figurines and toys.

Then this boy would go to high school. And all throughout year 7 the grandfather would do the same; the bag got heavier. When year 8 came, the boy winced at the grandfather for not being able to carry his bag anymore. The grandfather was tired. As the boy grew older, he told his grandfather less and less about what was going on at school. Soon the grandfather knew nothing of this boy's life and so, to try to get back in contact with his only relative, the grandfather had a look around the boy's room on one cool afternoon. The boy came back early that day but like I said, the grandfather knew nothing about his grandson's life. The boy was angry and yelled at his grandfather. His room was private. No one was to enter. They argued. The grandfather knew nothing of the boy's life and the boy claimed he didn't need to. The grandfather, knowing not what to do, was at a loss. The only time he could make the boy happy was to buy him something.

Knowing his grandson was too grown up for toys, he sought out something more practical. He decided to buy his grandson a bag for school because he had seen the grandson's bag and it was quite tattered and close to falling apart. The grandfather knew his money wasn't going to last and decided to have a part time job delivering pamphlets and catalogues to the neighbourhood. Working at it for a few weeks, he finally summoned enough money to go buy a bag. However, the money he had come up with wasn't quite enough. He had settled with a childs bag, the colorful kind, with a popular cartoon character. However, now the boy was in year 9. Expecting a grateful response he proudly presented the bag to his grandson. 'I don't want it. It's a kids bag." The grandfather couldn't return the bag of course. So he just left it on the kitchen table where he had first shown his grandson.

Weeks later, the grandfather died. Collapsing in the heat, delivering pamphlets and catalogues. Saving up trying to buy the boy a real grown up bag. The next day the boy wore the childs bag to school.

-----------
I just visited him. In the ICU. It's the hardest thing to smile in the ICU. And not to feel the watchful lonely eyes of the others in the ward, staring as they are left unvisited. The drawn curtains give us privacy from the other patients but the doctors and nurses curse their eyes on us. What do they think of us? Nothing? Who knows.

We all talk quietly. He laughs but refrains while clutching his stomach in pain; his face doesn't return to a smile but rather a solemn look. His eyes fixed on us, envious. And we quiver inside, with a million questions. He appears to be in misery, wires latching onto different parts of his upper body. The constant beeping from the machine that calculates his heart rate and respiratory rate.

I hate hospitals. God help me if I'm going to die in one.

Dreamlife Insomniac

2008-08-25T23:57:00.002+10:00

This has definitely been a terrible week. The worst week I've had since...well, ever really. My plan-ahead-for-a-better-result idea didn't work at all. Through these last 7 days-
Actually you know what? Let's make a list.

- Failed English so badly. 6/15. Tried to improvise the speech because someone said not to read my speech but make notes instead

- Spent all the lessons at school in drama, which has been a good thing really.

- Had to break time to be an actor in Dimitri's film which clashed with my working after school for money

- Saved up about $150. Spent on a costume for Animania. Worn for only 2hrs

- Failed Japanese speaking. Ms Berios look-a-like with her condescending looks and tone. Didn't prepare enough. Now there's no point in practising that.

- After Jap speaking, went all the way to Richmond but figured Jaxon would be at Schofields and because the train was just about to leave and the next one was in half an hour took that train to Schofields which took about 20 minutes. Got to his house but he wasn't there and couldn't get ahold of him that entire day; his mobile was dead. Got his stepdad to call up and find out where he was. Sure enough, he was in Richmond. Got dark and had to go home. No filming done. Wasted approximately 7 hours in pointless travelling.

- After Animania, had to fit in filming. Filmed at Summer Hill and then also at Richmond. Got home and edited til about 2. Had to also write a rationale. Which I ended up writing at school.

- Had 5 people sleep over at my house, 2 unannounced.

It was painful, but it's almost over. Just one more thing. Group performance tomorrow. And I'll do the best damn group performance I can.

After all that's done. There'll be nothing to do. And I'll resume my boring tedious normal life. Hopefully there will be some NSA stuff to do. And some parties to go to. And well, money has to be made.

Not enough sleep. 5 hours til I need to get up.

No Rest For The Wicked

2008-08-19T18:38:00.005+10:00

I don't really want so spread my emotionals over the blog and cry about it now and then while eating fattening foods. So I'll just say I majorly failed my English speech.

Due to circumstance unfortunately (and I really wanted to go too!!!) I'm not going to be attending the NSA bbq. There's just too much drama stuff that I gotta take care of. Good news is though, I'll be going to Animania with a small group of people. Annabel has decided to come too which is good.

So anyways, the week has gotten more complicated. Jackson ditched my filming today coz he was too tired. That's okay I guess. I just have to make up for it afterwards. Argh. Shit is getting more frustrating as this week goes along. Damn my bullshit horoscope. So anyways, Dim realised he still needs me to appear in his film. And I still gotta film lots more of my film. Not to mention I gotta edit it as well. And I should be studying Japanese too. And be revising my group perfomance.

Don't I get sleep? Oh okay.

**Edited: 9:36pm 19/08/08**
People talk about having those moments. Those moments where they had a choice. Where afterwards they realise that they made a mistake. And they regret it so bad they spend half their lives blaming incidences on that 'one moment.' That one moment we wished we could all change. If I hadn't chosen this path then I wouldn't have had such a terrible speech, if you could even call it one. Everyone can 'read' their speech. It's easy. Why did I have to go and write notes and try to work from that? Why did I talk to Abhinay that night and why did I change what I wanted to do because he said that I shouldn't read from my sheet. I even had my typed up speech in paper form in my bag but because everyone told me I needed palm cards, I didn't take it out. And a shitload of good that did me. That single one moment could've averted a depressing disaster. That one decision could've taken a better turn. I could've at least done 'okay'.

It pains me to even think about it. Hopefully sleeping on it will help. Feeling sick in the stomach at the moment. Didn't have a proper dinner and had a shitty nap. In a state of 'don't know what to do'.

Somebody save me.

In This Day & Age

2008-08-18T01:46:00.002+10:00

First off I want to be angry about my the week ahead. I am going to be non-stop busy and there are too many things I have to worry about. And just recently I heard stress makes you bald. How random. Why is it that women don't grow bald, although men do? And usually men are hairier than women. It's a random thing that I bet you've never considered. Let's make a schedule shall we?

Sunday: which just ended and I didn't even get halfway through writing my speech.

Monday: working from 6am-6pm to fund my Animania costs. Cosplay and all that stuff leaving me to time to study. Need to finish my speech desperately; it's due Tuesday.

Tuesday: wake up early, work a little and then go film a little for the film that's due next Monday. After filming a little have to go to school and do my speech (which I predict will be shithouse, yo.) After the speech have to go pay for cosplay and sword.

Wednesday: Have to attend school due to Japanese and Drama

Thursday: Have to attent school due to Drama

Friday: There is Japanese but I need to take an entire day off to film so deciding on what to do for the three days of school I have.

Saturday: Have to do my Japanese HSC speaking test which I have to spend practising every day of this week. After that, have to find Centennial Park to do that NSA thing.

Sunday: Sleep ALL DAY.

Monday: school. joy.

So yeah, it's going to be a pretty relaxing week. I'm going to be very happy about this week. And I really look forward to this week. Because it really is going to be bitchin' !
Now that that's sorted out, it's time to rant a little.

Over to your left you can see a family who has just bought a new LCD tv set that picks up digital channels and with a screen as huge as their swollen heads. A great video game script once told me, "T.V. rots the mind!" In a condescending but also an ironic voice. Three nights ago, I wake up at about 7pm to find no one is upstairs. So the sensible thing is to go downstairs to see where everyone had gone. I find them all glued to the tv. I cannot express how disappointed I am to see that. I hope when I'm older I don't become a tv family, if I ever do start one.

And coming up on your right is the concept of 'main character.' A lot of you probably have no idea what I'm talking about but please entertain this idea. Think about it. In a movie, a tv show or anything, there's always one main character. The rest of them are side characters or people that die along the way. And for every generation, I believe that there are one of these. In this one, I am definite that the main character is not me. I might not even know the main character. All I know is, I'm just a supporting role and my death probably won't affect the storyline at all. So that's why I'm trying to break the script and do some impromptu. I don't think it'll work but I'll try anyways. Now, ask yourself. Do you really think you're the main character? Do you think the world revolves around you? Or are you just the soldier that gets blown to pieces and forgotten about? Life is like that though. And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a thought about you. Give me something to believe in 'cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore.

It's crap that [Rumbel] hasn't subbed past episode 70 of Gintama. Shame on you Rumbel. Now I have to watch Soul Eater.

Wake Up Call

2008-08-16T07:32:00.004+10:00

Damn the motherfucker who called me at 6.30am asking if we had rented our other place out. Made me get up an hour early. Couldn't get back to sleep. Or maybe I didn't want to.

Haven't been singing really or playing guitar lately. It might be because I don't have a D string which is always annoying. I'll try to restring it today if I have an extra.

I've spent the last hour youtubing Jay Chou MVs and some beatboxing videos. And that's about it. I should get up soon, gotta go to work.

Ah, the sunshine is sining directly at my face atm. Oh and my alarm rang 2 minutes after the guy called. Why does the world want me to wake up? Something exciting gonna happen?

Lol the air in the sunlight is so dusty. It's a strange sight. I'm scared shitless for my Japanese HSC speaking. I gotta revise today. And I tomorrow. And everyday until that day. It's shouldn't be that hard, yet it is. For me. Damn my incompetence and un/im/anti/dis/non-determination.

*lack of

Bookstore (Tangents Unlimited)

2008-08-15T00:36:00.002+10:00

I made it.
The trials are over for now.
Still depressed over the fact that I failed Japanese and Business.
But I shall cheer up!

This entire day I have been gaming.
Being unable to install Max Payne was really a killjoy >=3

Today I found out something that may be possiblity exciting. Upon first seeing her name, my heart skipped a beat. It might just be my stupid assumptions. So I'll just leave it there. Translated: ceremony. Cute.

I don't have anything to rant about as of late. Life is steady? Love at first sight is fake? Something was faker but I can't remember what. Been really addicted to 藉口, SPECIAL OTHERS and I finally got ahold of the Snowkel album.

I finished watching Ergo Proxy. Seriously lolwtf. It wasn't that good. However, it has a very interesting plot. The unrelated game show episode and that smile land episode was plain stupid. I didn't feel anything when the show ended. So it probably doesn't make any tops. It was a journey, but incomparable to Samurai Champloo. I read somewhere that champuru means to mix. Haven't been to Kinokuniya lately! Shit! Gotta fucking finish book 6 before I get book 7. There better be a book 7 when I go or I'll be so cut.

I've noticed just today that I'm in the 'go with the flow' phase in life. People fade in and out with that. Just a fortnight or so ago I was in the 'gotta do some spontaneous' phase. I don't notice life and life doesn't notice me. I forget that outside of this very small, cramped and boring suburb there are vast oceans and other countries. Unexplored lands, high mountain tops and low steep valleys. People speaking their native tongues and fussing about trivial things. Fuming about war. Participating in war. Being oppressed by their countrys' ways. People trapped. People safe. People cheating on their spouses. People crying, people laughing. People like me who have stopped to imagine how life would be like halfway across the world. And how little we are. The world is but one small planet amongst the other planets which exist in our galaxy. Across the milky way. And apparently there are more galaxies out there.

Yet we still feel big enough to be prejudice. To hate. To wage war on. To think better of ourselves. To know what's best for our children. To fire our incompetent 'struggling to pay the electricity bill' employees.

That's not the kind of world I want to grow into. And I realise it's a bit too late to be saying that. I'm almost there. I'm almost going to become one of those people. I can't stay a dreamer forever. I can't pretend things will go my way in the future.
Time to grow up.

Culture, Culture

2008-08-11T00:17:00.003+10:00

If not for my second outside life, I think I'd be bored to shit.

What to blog about?
Well, Collene and I's friendship is sorta dead, 100%. She has blocked my access to her blog. So that's saddening.
Umm, I feel I can't make friends with anyone in my grade. All my connections to everyone in my grade is all hazy and almost non-existent. (except for Francis) Which is always frustrating. Just when I thought my anti-social mindset was over.

Hmm, is there anything else?
Not really.
I just really really really want parfait.

Francis is seriously just getting orgasms over the USA Dream Team vs China.
"Fucken generic asian faces"
"How often do you see this!?"
"OMG, fucken owned!"

Happy Anniversary (100 Posts) To Myself

2008-08-08T22:48:00.004+10:00

Today was a good day in commemorating my 100th post. Let's start off by saying Ursula invited me to a tea party. And realising just how boring my life is my answer was of course, 'yes'.

So anyways, left my house to go and meet up with Ursula at 3.30. And I left too damn early which resulted in my getting to UNSW an hour early. With nothing else to do, I tried hard to blend in with the messenger bag slinging uni students. I toured from the Anzac Pde all the way to the engineering block or something. Wait I went further to the highest of the highest point of the campus. I was amazed. This was certainly foreshadowing. Anyways I found a chair to sit down in front of and some guy put out his cigarette in the cigarette thing but it was still lit and I sat there smelling that poisonous air whilst (with nothing else to do) wrote in my drama logbook about what happened in class. Getting tired I rest my head on the bench and looked backwards upwards. The words UNSW on the top of the building had changed to MSN() which kinda looked like the msn face head thingy.

After 3.30 I headed down to meet up with Ursula. We went to East Gardens (which I now deem, teenager mall) and she got some perfume thing and some credit. There she wanted to buy a gigantic gum ball and like we turned the thingy but nothing came out and we got jipped and the old guy tried to steal the gumball, although it never came out. He tried to put in $2 dollars and insisted that we wait for him to figure it out and then Ursula punched me, so we left. We then had a very short argument about how in Australia we call lollies lollies but elsewhere they call lollies, candy.

Then got back to campus and we went to go find her friend in foundation or something like that. The girl was nice. Her name was Carolyn although I thought it was Kerolyn and I was too scared to say her name wrong so I asked her if I could call her K but she said Caroline is spelt with a C. Then we went to the NSA meeting for our tea party but K chickened out and she left. So I caught up with Annabel and met some random uni students.

After two hours of mixing and mingling and stuff, we all concluded that it wasn't a mirror and I was a year 12 student. Everyone had the same reaction. 'Why are you here? Get out. Just kidding!' Lol all this time I was cut that everyone was meeting cultural people except for me. I guess it's my turn. Singaporeans and Japaneses. It's so fun meeting new people. Everyone was just really happy. It's kind of a nice change from the people I know from school. They're all so prejudiced and self-concerned.

After eating natto (which was tasty yet not tasty at the same time) and some random foods, we eventually all retired. Annabel suggested we go Ajisen Ramen this time and we were all like okay! But only Annabel, Ursula, Yuki, Taka and I went. Everyone else went home. And it's fine I guess. A small group. I did pretty well in a group of 5 for the first time ever. We got our ramens and talked about what the NSA wanted to do for their next meetings. Some interesting ideas were thrown around. Then I came up with the idea of running a restaurant called Ninja or something like that. You know the drill. Being served by ninjas. And plates laid out my ninjas. Paying the bill ninja style. Like arrow with a note being shot into the styrofoam wall where the customers are. It would be so awesome. I would have to work something out though.

Then we went to Galaxy World (entry is free but you pay for the games). And they shot some spiders, I challenged Yuki to some Tekken, and we all played some Daytona (except for Annabel [she shoulda played. i wouldn't have come last then.]) Then we all left for home. My mum comes to pick me up from the station and I end up having a double dinner because she buys Maccas. And now, well, every asian (I'm assuming) is watching the opening ceremony, or in short, the oc. So I'm stuck with nothing to do but blogging about my eventful day and preparing for a weekend of study.

P.S. I saw Kross Junkie walking to Central Station with 3 chinese girls and a chinese guy but I was too scared to approach them because they all seemed like they were friends and I guess it's uncool to be approached by some kid telling them how awesome they are and asking for an autograph. Next time I see then, I will definitely do that but. When the circumstances are different. Next time!
P.P.S. Aren't these only for letters?

I just felt like posting some random yet awesome video

Post Smash, During Trials

2008-08-05T23:24:00.002+10:00

Smash was a super fun experience. I saw so many cosplays. First time in my life seeing real cosplays and I found out not all of them were good. Some were home made and looked really bad but the ones that looked good were awesome. That guy from lucky star was the best, like seriously. I wanted the Asuka one but Jen/Gerry didn't upload it so maybe they deleted it or something.

So anyways, it started off with Roger and I lifting chairs upstairs (good rhyme) and then Jen, Gerry and I just roaming around looking at stuff to buy. We didn't buy much though but it was okay. After a while of lifting chairs and etc Smash officially opened and the ticketing booth was out of people so there I met a very uplifting and interesting Ursula. We both greeted all the motherfuckers coming into Smash and after they were all gone, I retreated back to hang with the two girls.

From that point it was just roaming here and there until Steven or Edward needed us. As it turns out, we weren't needed for cosplay so we all decided to go Maccas and have some food. The guys didn't sell the pudding anymore so I didn't get anything and instead watched them eat. (Jeno, Gerry, Ricky.) When we got back they reunited with that other guy and they did stuff and I went to find something to do.

Oh then we had to keep watch that not one took photos with Kiuchi and shit. I told off like 6 guys and well some of the motherfuckers were like "I'm not taking a photo" when clearly they were. The bastards. Kiuchi made some funny comments when the white girl was like "You know everything don't you" and instead of saying 'yeah' in jap he was like "Yeees." in English. Kiuchi is awesome.

I super helped Steven organise his anime trivia thing where his friends were dissing on Code Geass yelling out Suzuka, Britannia and 11. After that tiring event ended, I was stuck alone as Jeno and Gerry and all the other guys were going to Karaoke and asking that 'cute' L for his email. From that point I had nothing to do and I felt kinda left out coz those two were hanging out with like 4 or so guys and I was like screw that. So I went and watched Kross Junkie perform. They had a problem with set up but they were pretty good. The lead guitarist was probably the best of them all. The white drummer kept really awesome time so yeah that was interesting to see. Those guys inspired me to be super Jap.

Then Jeno and Gerry left with those 4 guys (and didn't even say goodbye *tear*) only for Jeno to call me 10 mins later and feel sorry me and Gerry giving me a text around 9.30 to tell me she was sorry and forgot to say 'bye'. Well it's kinda my fault I suppose. I'm not good at having fun with more than 2 people =/. But I'm very glad I stayed.

Thereafter, Kross Junkie was just hanging around pushing each other in the trolley as Steven, Edward, Ursula, Annabel and myself sifted through the iron cosplay stuff. Lots of balls. I got the white wig (I look like Kidchan according to Ursula). Oh before we did that we got Kidchan to sign our armbands which was cool. [Kidchan is soo nice!~] And we all stole coke cans coz there were so many leftovers.

(we had heaps of pizza. the most pizza boxes i've ever seen in my life stacked above each other)

Thereafter, we heard about some afterparty at Ajisen Ramen and Ursula, Annabel and I wanted to go but Ursula's dad was like no. And so it was just to be me and Annabel but then my mum called and she was like no so we all just went home. I had to make a new facebook just to connect to them which was a mistake coz now I'm kinda addicted to it. RAWR. (lol @ Ursula's lust for cabbage)

************************

Trials is SHIT! I fucked up BIG TIME in Jap which pissed me off because I studied really hard for it the night before Argh! Frustration-
And I did okay for English I think (I hope) and Drama I did crap in too. I just bullshitted the entire thing. And now I'm studying at Francis' house in hopes of getting a better Maths mark. I honestly hope this works out. I'm sick of always fucking up in maths.

And maan I have to prepare for Business (case studies, fucken...) and English paper II (nooo too many relateds to remember [and haven't even done related for Raw]) not to mention Jap. And after that I gotta do my English Speech, Drama Group Performance, Drama Major Project and Jap HSC Speaking. Somebody kill the board of studies. I know their location. It's not a secret. Think they can hide away at Circular Quay. Motherfuckers.

Okay that's a really long blog. I don't encourage you to read it. Though I should've said that at the top
¬.¬

Well, time to stop procrastinating and resume Maths training. Wish me luck (I say to myself)

Busy Bee Be Busy

2008-07-31T15:12:00.003+10:00

I haven't had the time or the will to post anything since the coming of the trials next week. I've spent my time instead trying to pay attention in class and trying to study for the tests. And evidently I'm kinda slacking off by posting now so yes. I'm sitting in the State Library pissed off at the guy who stole my powerpoint that charges my laptop (although I never called shotgun and there is no evidence suggesting I have reserved it). I just had some chicken Karaage udon from that reject place down in Martin Place and I'm very impressed. Also I'm impressed that those people serving there are actually Japanese.

Anyways I have about 5 hours to study Maths, Japanese and (hopefully) English. I'm waiting on Liz to hook me up with some poem that I can use as a related. Sorekara, I need to find another related. God, (I'm not giving god a capital letter, it's simply because it's the start of a new sentence) I hate tests, but I love exam week. It's how school should be every week. I learn more in an exam week than I do in an entire term. Seriously, it's the best.

I'm having a problem with Maths. The main problem is that I need to know every topic we've learnt and well I know like 3 properly and there's probably 10+ so I'm pretty screwed for that. It's the same shit with business. Ware tells me it's just common sense and as far as I know, I have common sense. Just that Business has shit all to do with common sense. I think. I'm not sure.

Anyways, I should totally stop procrastinating and get back to Maths-ing. And then do some Japanese as well. And fuck I need to type up some English essays and I need to get DY's drama essays. This coming week promises hell.

SMASH-ing + ergo proxy + <3 Lil Mayar

2008-07-27T10:33:00.003+10:00

As it turns out, the RSPCA doesn't give a shit about stray cats. They tell us to call the council. Who, not surprisingly, also do not give a shit for cats. So I'm stuck with these two bastards.

That SMASH thing was fun I guess. It was kinda super awkward. Playing icebreaker games and such. It felt like a speed dating service, really. It was okay I guess. I met some interesting people. Let's run through some people:

~Mai~
A Japanese exchange student staying with her host family in Oatley. She studies English at UTS (I think) and she lost her ipod and was using her friends' that day. She has cool headphones but for small ears. She currently likes RADWIMPS and also Ketsumeishi. She's unsure of what she wants to do in the future and yesterday night she went to see a live football game for the first time. Her favorite style of food is Japanese and the only Japanese food she's had in Australia is sushi, only because she made it herself and for her friends. She says she should take this opportunity to try out new foods instead of just sticking with Japanese. She's in the general section.

~Rose~
She thought I was in Uni. I thought she was in H.S. Other way around though. She enjoys Metallica, Linkin Park and generally radio rock. She said for her hobbies she does random stuff. After turning 18 she goes clubbing often. She's half philipino and half Australian. Her hands get sweaty easily. She arrived late and she didn't know which section she was in.

~Kriscoe~
He has a very uni conservative messenger bag beanie and huge headphones style of fashion, which is the first main thing I noticed about him. He enjoys acoustic/folk music. He liked City in Colour, Nickelcreek and I think it was Nick Cave or something. He left early but he's in the General Section.

~Gerry~
She watches of anime and she's cosplaying Misa for SMASH. She loves deathnote and that monster thing (she sewed herself one) but I dunno what it is. She loves plush toys so that serves as easy an easy birthday idea. She has this thing where she stalks guys that she thinks are cute. She lives in Cabramatta with her generic Viet last name. She's in year 11. She seems to be pretty quiet. She does Biology. And VA (I think).

~Jennifer~
She said the first thing she noticed about me was my fashion style. She's in year 11. She thought I was 4th year Uni. Her parents come from Laos. But they love Australia and want her to talk English only. She lives 5 minutes from Gerry. She's a very open person (she was making jokes with randoms). She does Japanese and has no accent when she speaks it because she thinks if she tries and gets it wrong, it'll make her feel like a loser. She also does VA. She's also interested in that monster thing that Gerry likes. She has a gigantic bag of it. She's extremely friendly, saying goodbye to all the people that she had met on the day. She isn't scared to speak out.

So that was my Saturday. It started off weird but it got okay-er. After getting home I watched A World Without Thieves (twas sad) and Psych (twas funny). And just now I watched a new anime called Ergo Proxy which was pretty interesting. I reckon I like animes which start off in an entirely new world but they don't explain wdf is happening. So you have to watch on to get it. Also because they their ending credits song was Paranoid Android by Radiohead.

I'm getting back into Hiphop. Staring with Nas, Mobb Deep and the Getting Up OST. I'm going to play that game again. Properly.

And They Call Themselves Writers?

2008-07-26T00:16:00.002+10:00

It's a cold night. The window has been fogged up because it's that cold tonight.

My heart reproduces this very feeling. Too many assholes have changed the way I see things. And now, nothing's clear.

It was MY idea first. MINE. Motherfucker blames it on me because I didn't take it far enough. Because I didn't buy the cans. And Edmond just suggesting something and Henry so easily going along with it. What is he? Like his lapdog or something? Were my ideas not the same? Is his view so important, so right that you need to be more like him? Were my opinions not echoed? Fuck.

Whatever, he can screw off to do whatever he likes. Meanwhile I'm gonna go do that Smash thing tomorrow. I have a feeling it's going to be shit. But at least it's a getaway from all this crap. I hate that I've become just a whiney douchebag. I can't explain. I don't know how, or where I'd start. There's just too much crap. Too many facades. Conformity has hit hard.

I should do what Lillian suggested to me. Just take a bus ride somewhere. I think I'll catch a ferry on Sunday to Manly (If I got the paper) and go visit my cousin and Aunt. I need to get away from all this HSC bullshit. Or maybe I should just buckle down and study. This...can't be stress I'm feeling?

I'll Follow You Into The Dark

2008-07-23T23:18:00.002+10:00

Two days ago this cute little white kitten with brown spots and a brown tail followed me home. It was fully random but I've grown to like it. Apparently it attacks people but it hasn't attacked me yet so I'll love it until the R.S.P.C.A. come to rescue it from me clutches. They need to take the other cat that's living in my backyard as well. That dirty bastard. This evening I went outside to play with the kitten. Got some cat hairs on my jumper. Better not stick in the wash.

I've downloaded some audio tapes for japanese in hopes that it'll improve my speaking. I friggin hope it does. I should also go and download some other audio tapes. Namely spanish and korean. And chinese too. My chinese pronouciation is pretty damn poor. I'm actually listening to my jap audiotape right now. It's just me saying the same words over and over. I guess that's how you learn. I gotta practise maths.

You know what's screwed. The only day I've ever had money, at least two people have come up to my asking to borrow money. And no one knew I had money. Seriously that shit just disappeared. It's like the God of money doesn't like me. I wonder if there's actually a God of money. Lemme check...

Ebisu or something. And apparently the brand Evisu is based off the Japanese God of money. Well you learn something useless everyday.

Masterfully Disguise, The Youthful Boy

2008-07-22T01:12:00.002+10:00

Man, 7 hours still school begins. I can't seem to think properly and my eyes can't hold open. Staring at this buzzing computer screen for such a long time has those effects on you it seems. I'm totally not stoked that school is beginning.

I can officially say I have done nothing productive throughout my entire holidays except finish NOLF2 and learnt that caja is box in spanish and casa is house in spanish. I don't even do spanish as an elective. So basically I'm screwed for everything. And as always, I'm going to walk into class underprepared and not ready to take notes because I can't hear what the teachers are saying. What are they saying? Are they speaking English? Do I give a shit about what they're saying?

Give me a textbook, give me some past exam papers, give me the example answers for those past papers and give me some time. I don't care for all the teaching bullshit that happens in the school. Nothing I learn is thanks to the teaching. Everything that I have learnt has been because of me. The teachers are just audiobooks who don't allow me to replay them. You know why? Because the file is corrupt.

The real learning is from music, art, nature, literature and unfortunately also television. Screw school and screw the rules.

What is it that drives us?
It shouldn't be out parents or their expectations. It shouldn't be about fitting in with your friends just so you can get in on all the action. It shouldn't be about listening and doing what other people tell you to do. What drives us is passion. It is the greatest and most realistic feeling that exists. Happiness is rare. Sadness is to common. Love cannot be so easily realised. And the rest of them can suck balls. Desire and passion. They drive us. To insanity. And to success.

Into The Gallows

2008-07-20T00:49:00.002+10:00

These holidays are far from what I had planned a little over a fortnight ago. In fact these holidays were fucking shit. I spent the entire holidays worrying about how much study I got done that I never got to studying. I spent these holidays bitching about how I can't do work or that I'm too lazy. And about how I really wish I could but I never can. I devise little plans that can save me. That can save time if I apply myself.

All this time I was trying to be more like a kid. Trying to get back to the times when shit didn't matter and there were no shitty 3-letter abbreviations except for cbf. And no one getting all serious about their work leaving you feeling dumb and inadequate for not studying as much as everyone else. And when you try you fail miserably.

I've been spending an awful lot of time trying to connect to msn. Like I desperately need to. It's pathetic. What the fuck is wrong with me. It's like a drug, seriously. I need to socialise. And it's not even fucking socialising. It's just a person staring at a computer screen, looking dumb, and typing letters. That can't be socialising. That can't be what the next generation is headed towards. Yet here I am, doing the exact thing that I'm trying to criticise.

I've got two days to study. Lillian says 'I gotta jump'. So I guess that's what I'm gonna have to start doing. Fuck and there goes msn once again. Dropping out like a bitch. I'm beginning to wonder why I even bother. Tomorrow, I Promise Myself, I am going to do work. I've seen all the shows I need to see. There shouldn't be anything left bothering me. I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING DONE.

*note to self - english 6*

There is so much to do. And there is time. I just can't help but let it fly by. How can someone just sit by a book and just study when you could be learning trivial things. Gaming is where all the learning is. And films. And music. And art. Textbooks can kiss my ass. The system is shit and outdated.

There is so much I need to say but right now my mind is in chaos. Shit is going down in every section. Too much shit I can't concentrate. I should really go to sleep.

7mins - average time to fall asleep?

Por Que?

2008-07-13T22:38:00.002+10:00

I keep coming on my blog wanting to write something but when I get to this page where I'm supposed to compose...I realised I have nothing to say. Sure a lot of shit has happened these last couple of days with everyone and shit but it feels so gay to have to recount what happened. It's kinda pointless too.

Anyways I feel lately for all the girls I've hung out with, it's driven then away or something. Thats KCL who hasn't spoken to me in a while. I wonder if I just got boring or I'm just not as fun as I used to be. I feel pretty fucking boring now. I've just beome a lazy fucker who sits on his laptop. Like some fatass watching tv. Except I'm glued to the laptop screen.

TPG has shit connections and gives my problems with my internet.

It's halfway into the holidays and I've done jackshit. I keep getting ready to do it then I just switch off and do something else. Like sleep or eat or watch shows or something stupid like that. I've begun to take a disliking to state library. It was funner in the older days when it was just crabs, I and whoever else. Those days I was most productive. That day with Ware and crabs as my most productive study sesh. I seem to have ineffective sesh's everytime I go now. Which shits me. What shits me more is that now I have nowhere to go to get stuff done.

But I say to myself as anyone else would to me, "Don't blame the study area for you not being able to study. It's all just a mind thing. If you're ready to study, you can study anywhere." Of course with the exceptions of noisy places like my home. [EXCUSE!]

So I'm trying to work out a solution. I've come up with the 'go to state library by myself as often as possible in the week' solution but I don't think that's gonna work considering how low my budget is. I'm getting poorer by the second. Damn my hankering for delicious foods. Speaking of which Ajisen Ramen. FUCK ME, TONKOTSU CURRY RAMEN is so fucking awesome. Curry ramen is a gift from the gods. I've never tasted something so enticing!

WOW. Deviantart completely changed their layout. I will go check that out now. I will also check out. Only got one item so I'll head to the '12 items or less' queue. It's longer than the normal cues but its less than 12 items right? I was pretty damn lucky to grab the last carton. And I check the expiry date on this carton of 'fame and fortune' I'm about to purchase.

And.. fuck.
It's out of date.

OMG Psych is back!

2008-07-13T13:48:00.001+10:00

This is a part from season two.

Man so psyched about the new 'Psych' coming out in a few days. So friggin excited...So so so so so excited....blaaahhhh~~~~

*edit* I was watching youtube on the somethingth of the sometingth soemthing. But this video was really inspiring.

Shakesword

2008-07-08T23:38:00.002+10:00

In a desolated city, far far away
there lived a young boy, and god! he was gay
they called him rude names like faggot and anal
though lies they were not, he fled through the canal

to find better days at places like Newtown
easy to blend in and never be found
by all of those people who hated him so
while they danced to flo ridas low low low

but that's not the story, the story is this
its read mostly english, but also in lisp
so read it like thith stharting from now
and if you cant do it, dont athk me how

and man all my poems get to the point
where its all just bullshit flooding the joint
my ass is my mouth though instead of digesting
i'm shitting it out says mr charles heston

and why did that name suddenly emerge
my brain works in tangents, pwning the scourge
and its back to dota, oh crap wheres my head
its resting in pieces, and feeding the dead

and whoop de doo da, i blew up my car
thats twinkle de twinkle de little de star
and stop it now garmon, i say to myself
before someone gets hurt and loses some health

its getting more worser as it goes along
dont ever correct me if i get a word wrong
today im so pissy i might be a girl
in a big big big big big big world

and i will keep swearing until i see fit
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit
that son of a bitch that son of a gun
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

and team rocket blast off at the speed of light
surrender now or prepare to fight
it doesnt really matter if you're black or white
says the crumpled piece of paper through my blurry sight

and i swear ill stop now, its a matter of time
before i get all deep and im starting to whine
because i havent done a single thing yet
and shit its not finished, i say i regret

my work heres not done, its not even started
id do it right now if i wasnt retarded
oh please gimme the help that i really need
some 4unit genius come strolling with me

i wish i had listened in all of those classes
instead of just talking while in all those classes
why arent i nerd, why do i have glasses
shouldnt i be a nerd, is what i keep askes

goddamn this long poem, it just isnt right
but its not really left, im trippin tonight
OK THIS IS THE END IM POSITIVE NOW
ill meet all you girls in the show
er

Butterfly

2008-07-07T23:54:00.003+10:00

Taking a moment just imagining that I'm dancing with you,
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes.
You got soul, you know what to do to turn me on
until I write a song about you~ Jason Mraz

Well this post serves no purpose because there isn't really anything that I need to say. No real problems that have been worth blogging about. Just me being me, laid back and care free showing nothing but compassion and a little sympathy. You know what. Let's write a poem. It's called 'It's all about me'. Goes a little something like this:

I wrote a poem and it's all about me
It's pretty modern styled in fact I'd call it chic
My rhymes are thick as thieves though I don't get that meaning
And my words get all the girls but I think I'm just dreaming

You see my rhymes aren't exact though I've proven the fact they are
I can rap though I'm not a rapper, coz the wrappers I know are wrapped round candy bars
And my style and swerve is elite, get you moving your feet, your soul is my beat
can't stop the heat, don't stop; I'll never be found. And what goes up doesn't have to come down.

Wait a second this really ain't no poem, I've been singing it all along.
There's a song, a tune in my head, all this time I've been getting it wrong.
Coz it's my passion, like the cricket with flashing, like all mcdonalds with the hashing a brown.
Oh my skills are so ill, still mad at me for making your mouth say 'wow'?

Spongetaneous

2008-07-04T22:11:00.002+10:00

Today was so unplanned -

Woke up late today and went to Kings bakery (not Kings hot bread) and bought a; spongecake, chicken pie and curry bun. Pretty friggin tasty. Got full by that. It was funny actually because today at drama which was after assembly there we chicken wings. And the day before Francis and Raymond ordered chicken wings. And today I thought there was a KFC voucher in my house but turns out it was just Oporto's which I didn't go to today. It all links somehow...but I dunno how it does...

Anyways, spent my entire day at school playing games. (and printing trial exams) Played quake with Lease and then at DKK played UT1 with Pete(comatose) and Jonesy(Jonesy). Intense times, intense times. Then escape and declined dota to go hang with Col to find my red adventure scarf and a steamboat/steamtrain conducters' hat. Didn't find that hat but found the scarf which was good. Apparently I impulse shop. Came home with a random beanie, a pooh tie and two styrofoam swords. It's not that random, right?

Oh god it's the holidays. One last chance to give it my all. I know I won't. It never works. No matter how hard I want to I just can't seem to discipline myself. Tis truly suxorz. My plan is to go to state as often as humanly possible and try my luck there. The other times I stayed home and tried working but that was an epic fail. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK no more money....this is just fucked....

Damn this shit//

For You To Notice

2008-07-02T07:51:00.002+10:00

I've realised there are usually three main ways couples walk when they're together.

#1
The guy with the hand around the girl's neck and shoulders and the girl's arm around the guy's waist.
I like to believe the guy is in fear of losing the girl so he holds on tight. Either that or he assumes the I'm the man so I take the lead and you're just my possession. Trophy girlfriend and whatnot.

2#
Girl and guy holding hands.
This usually means that they haven't progressed far into the relationship yet or they're not very sexually open or whatever. This also kind of means that the guy is a sap and will keel over and do anything the girl wants or needs. Or it could just mean that they're taking a leisurely stroll.

3#
Girl holding onto the guy's arm.
I think this is kind of like an asian thing. I'm not sure. This either means the girl and the guy aren't too close, or the guy is some kind of player. It could also mean that the girl in this relationship is the helpless 'fallen in love' character and will do anything for the guy in question.

Prove them otherwise.

No Beauty In The Breakdown

2008-07-01T23:48:00.000+10:00

I cried. For the first time in a long time.

Four Letters: Starting With ▒

2008-06-30T21:50:00.002+10:00

I want to get into the habit of making the noise 'FFF'. It's awesome. It'll piss them off and want me to say the word. But I won't ever say it. I'll just starting fffing everywhere I go. This is going to be fun lololol.

Henry's birthday tomorrow and I'm going to call Abhinay to see if he'll fund my operation. First off, I'll have to find out where there's a Big W. Auburn I know for sure but I'll check out elsewhere to. I plan to get him a plush figure of Dora the Explorer. Only because she's spic. And lawls.

Fuck it all with that Jap listening test tomorrow. I've failed like 101% of my tests and I'm about to fail another. I fully can't handle the failure. I'm gonna break down and like starting singing in the rain. Damnation (and a day)

7 Days To Change Your Life

2008-06-29T20:53:00.002+10:00

Two things I've theorised. I think that's the word. Hopefully. Anyways here we go:

#1. If you ever see a kid wielding two luxuries, you know he's fucked for the future. I saw this kid on the train holding a Nintendo DS in his hands and a scooter at his feet. His mother lectured him with the most kindest tongue you'll ever see. And then she retired and began looking through her purse. That kid won't be getting anywhere in life.

#2. This one is only for girls. A guy who breathes heavily is ignorant. Remember that next time you're about to take the plunge for a guy like that.

I saw a 5 minute Henry Rollins clip that absolutely ripped the shit out of me. What he said was 100% true. That modern rock is all bullshit and there's no hardcore rock and roll. It's all just studio enhancing and shit. No one wants to break shit anymore. Although that's true I still like my Bloc Party, my Pillows and my Jason Mraz. It's not wrong. But it friggin feels like it is. We can't live how someone tells us. That's whats really wrong. I don't want to defy Rollins but listening to him is pretty much conforming. I dunno it's a fucked up cycle. I just don't want to have to think and act the way someone tells me to. That's all.

What's My Age Again?

2008-06-28T19:29:00.005+10:00

"GARMON FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU WEAR GLASSES START ACTING LIKE A NERD!" shouts Garmon who is staring at his sorry reflection in the mirror. He sighs and tilts his head to the right.

*******************

"There'd be a lot of stethescopes."

~Original~

~Remix~

~Turntablism remix!!~

Through Gritted Teeth

2008-06-27T20:46:00.002+10:00

I absolutely hate sell outs. I hate them all to hell.

Which is why when I saw everyone playing Tetris on the morning train I was extremely pissed off. I refused to speak to anyone in that time. Because it's just crap. Everyone is just so fucken trendy now that they're playing Tetris aren't they? This is exactly like the rubix cube phase. That shit was ALWAYS there and oh wow look there's one guy playing a rubix cube let's all play it and talk about it to each other. Whoever gets the highest score/does the rubix cube the fastest is the best. I have no idea why but it just fucken pisses the shit outta me!! GOD FRIGGING DAMMIT!

I don't remember much else. Or if there's anything to talk about-

I watched Wild Zero today. I have three words to say. What the funk?! It was the most random and pointless yet meaningful movie I have ever seen. It basically told me that; there is no god, love has no boundaries, nationalities or gender, and rock and roll will always triumph (and will never die). To that I say Tally Ho. With a dip of my hat.

Devil May Care

2008-06-26T23:43:00.002+10:00

Jamie Cullum - Devil May Care
-------------------------------->>
No cares for me
I'm happy as I can be
I've learned to love and to live
Devil may care

No cares and woes
Whatever comes later goes
That's how I'll take and I'll give
Devil may care

When the day is through, I suffer no regrets
I know that he who frets, loses the night
For only a fool, thinks he can hold back the dawn
He who is wise never tries to revise what's past and gone

Live love today, and come tomorrow what may
Don't even stop for a sigh, it doesn't help if you cry
That's how I'll live and I'll die
Devil may care

When the day is through, I suffer no regrets
I know that he who frets, loses the night
For only a fool, thinks he can hold back the dawn
He who is wise never tries to revise what's past and gone

Live love today, and come tomorrow what may
Don't even stop for a sigh, it doesn't help if you cry
That's how I'll live and I'll die
Devil may care
=========================================
When I was blow drying my hair this evening I thought I heard howls or static noises in the background so I switched it off and said 'Hello?' It echoed eerily in the bathroom. I swear that was such a horror movie scene. The mirror was foggy so I expected to be stabbed suddenly and be slashed at the neck or ripped to shreds with blood spattering onto the condensation of the window and the fallen hairdryer blowing ripples into the blood on the ground, leaking from my corpse into the drain.

It has come to my attention that I may have A.D.D. or I may be the devil. To that I say A.D.D. is an anagram of dad and devil means...well...remember back in primary school? Those sausage like chicken thingys? Weren't they called devil wings or devil chicken or devil pieces or something? Wait lemme google it...

A-HA

http://www.inghams.com.au/foodservice/media/1018CT_27681_ING_AUSTRALIAS_FINEST_BROCHURE_11.PDF

Page 4 in the 'Snacks' section.
The second one.
Those were pretty awesome.

But yeah I dunno what I'm saying. Til next time, stranger-

Splicing

2008-06-24T20:21:00.001+10:00

I just realised that I got 24/55 for maths, used locker 24 and today is the 24th.

Note to self: When you have your own home, install 5.1 speakers in your bathroom.

Point A

2008-06-24T13:24:00.002+10:00

Well I figured studying all the time at the library would help my marks at school a great deal. And here I got my maths and japanese marks back with them both screaming failure. So the solution is simple. Don't leave it to the last week to study and don't spend just the Sunday studying. Study everyday. As much as possible. Who cares if your friends are doing this and that. Fuck em. Fuck everyone and everything that will stop you from achieving what you want.

David told me he gave his mum his modem/router willingly so he could study. And that challenged me. And just today when Francis or something asked him if he wanted to dota, he rejected the offer stating he had to go home and study.

So here I am at the State Library blogging while I have the chance to before I begin making my 'Ultra Summaries' and learning maths as hard as I possibly can. We started a new topic today. Something about speed, time, acceleration and something starting with D. I gotta get on top of that so I know just what the fuck is going on in class next lesson. I'm worried for the first time in my life about something that never seemed to worry me the last few years but I guess its normal at this point in time.

My mum has been pretty cool with me coming home late and everything so I owe her that much. I owe to her and myself the marks I SHOULD be getting. I can't afford to let anything screw me over anymore. No more bullshit. No more gaming. No more going out for no reason. Just no more.

A Rift In Time

2008-06-21T08:26:00.003+10:00

I wanted to blog about the following things but I've lost the _____ to describe them:

- how beautiful the rain can be
- my day with Tarsh
- my stupid drama thingy
- how annoying people can be

I'll just go onto say I hate the internet and the process of connecting wirelessly.

Playing With Cactuses/Cacti (Found one of the posts!)

2008-06-20T14:45:00.003+10:00

After my failing of my final tests Maths and Japanese, I miserably rode a train to the city alone. I did however travel to Victor's house with Sean and we used his telescope to try and perve on people but that didn't work. And Chris' pedal is awesome.

At the city I met up with Tarsh and I studied with her at a bit in Martin Place Shopping Circle before going to Pepper Lunch where we had dinner and talked about her and her secrets. Then we went to Galleries where she spent 5 mins drawing some double helix thing which I didn't get. And then we went somewhere random. Oh yeah she wanted to window shop somewhere and I was like yeah whatever and after that I left for home ready to blog about something which I forgot about...

Oh yes. I remember.

I was listening to Pride by Miki Imai while it was raining. I was under a shelter of some sort and I suddenly saw the light hit rain. The last time I had scene that was when it was a sunshower and the rain reflected the colours of a rainbow in single raindrops. Anyways the headlights of a car shone on the rain in front of him which made me think. I suddenly started to look a bit harder at the rain. I stared at one place on the ground and the rain looked as though it hit the ground in small motion. It kinda looked like the ground sparked electricity in a clear raindrop sort of colour. Then I drew back for a moment and stared at the entire area and it looked like the rain was falling in fast motion.

I then looked up at the streetlight with the rain falling around the light. And it just looked nice I guess. Something about that whole thing made me realise how people just cast off rain as though it was just a thing that got them soaked. I remembered how much I use to love the rain. I remembered back to the time Lisa and I ran out into the rain and got rained on in our school uniform and we just laughed. She was fun back then. I wonder sometimes how she's doing now. Crosses my mind every half a year I guess.

I used to be so close to so many people and then gradually they slip away. Is that a normal thing? I think it would be. People get bored and they move on. Which is the general reason why there are so many divorces. It makes sense. But then that would mean, you could probably never know a member of the opposite sex for your entire life, unless they were family. It's a sad concept. Much like dota.

Valeva

2008-06-18T21:22:00.000+10:00

Today was hand-in-your-collage-and-talk-about-it-and-what-it's-all-about day. The day where I thought, man my collage is gonna be so awesome it's gonna rip everyone's. How wrong I was. Mine was probably the shittest there. It sucked so much balls. And my representation was shithouse too. After failing my third test, I left to study for my two final tests. Maths and Japanese.

So I went to State (like always) and studied. For real this time. But like, it was for real the other times, just today I got so much more done. It was a good study session. Francis did some good study too. Twas a good library session. Anyways got fully cut when Abhinay didn't invite me on his coffe excursion so I went with Francis to a new place instead. It was the best coffee store I had ever been to. The chick there was extremely hot. I felt proud discovering that place. And I'll go back there for the rest of my life. For the coffee and for her. Hot girl. Good lord. I can't believe Francis kept the coffee cup.

Then we studied a bit more then we went home. All in all a rather efficient day. Then I have two more tests to fail before I can study to the max. I've gotten a whole let better at studying. So I'm proud of myself for that. Oh and randomly saw Bekki there. Which was good kinda too.

And now I'm tired and ready to fall asleep for the next bundle of tests. Then a stupid 2hr interview on Friday. That is gonna suck ass. But at least it gives me time to work. I've been so broke lately. Note to self: Stop spending your fucking money on food.

That is all.

1 Out Of Three

2008-06-17T20:37:00.002+10:00

After failing my business studies exam, I went to hang out with Tarsha whom I haven't not seen for years and years now. It was fun catching up. She always has these weird random stories that I always seem to listen to. Anyways we went to state and studied. And Liz turned up and we all studied. Then we all got restless and left.

In the middle of that session I really wanted to just leave and go play guitar somewhere but I didn't want to dog Tarsh.

Then out of nowhere I accompanied her to Gordon, then left for home. And then I woke up on the train and I was like wtf it's going the opposite way and I went to get off and then I realised it was just Central and I was like man, and I got back on the train and this dumb couple took my seat. What motherfuckers. And now I'm sticking and pasting shitty pictures onto a shitty yellow cardboard of which I assume to be A3. What a shitty collage. I've never seen anything so shitty in my life other than shit. This piece of sheet is just so sheety. Holy sheet!

Anyways. I'm sick of failing. So I'm probably going to try and de-socialise myself and result to going to state alone to study alone and be alone on the trains to and from school. The lonelier I am, the harder I probably will try to study. I hate having to interact with people that cross my path on the way to school, but that's probably coz I'm not a morning person. I'm an afternoon person, I'd like to think. In the morning I'm too stoned and at night I'm too tired.

If only I could charged my chakra by eating ramen or something.

All My Friends Are Dota Players

2008-06-16T14:50:00.001+10:00

yep.

What Sarah Said

2008-06-16T11:20:00.002+10:00

Well English I did okay in. I think I need to write faster coz everyone did 4 pages and I didn't hit three. And I have pretty fucken huge handwriting. Maybe I just youtube something like that-

Back at State now, and blogging before I take on some business studies and maths. I'm excited for this week. Can't wait til it's over. Everyone hates exam week though for some reason. Why hate on exam week? It's seriously the best thing about school. Test your knowledge while attending minimum school. Every week should be exam week, we'll learn faster. The more you cram something, the more you learn it. There's nothing wrong with cramming; you might consider it study. I know I do.

I had hiccups last night. I don't recall the last time I had hiccups before that. I think maybe when I was like 10 or something. I don't get why people don't like hiccups or find them annoying. Hiccups are the best. Nothing like some unplanned and unexpecting hiccuping. It's weird. It's like harmless sickness. I really find that interesting. It's a shame that it stops when you least expect it. Or when you get scared.

The next girl I see that I know that has hiccups, I will embrace.

66

2008-06-15T21:51:00.002+10:00

It's getting to 10 o'clock and I haven't properlied studied my English. I guess I just thought it was easy. I hate having to rely on things...like Microsoft Word and its word fixing and auto-capitallising.

I'm as lonely as the next person I walk past on the street. I'm just as unhappy as every average schmuck fucking one girl to the next. I still think like a kid. I still think I'm a kid. I'm as lost as foreigner doesn't have a map and who isn't able to speak a lick of the language of the country which they're visiting. My head swells with question. The main and most central question being 'why?' and the second most important question being 'now what?' I'd like to speak as much as I think, but lately, those two have been the only questions I've ever asked myself and other people. This partial introversy has suddenly had a permanent effect.

They say a dog is man's best friend. I agree. Because man is society's bitch, man can't be man's best friend. But I'd like to think music is somewhere up there. So it may not breathe or eat but it talks, answers, questions and thinks. Or at least it helps you do that. Music is (if there is one) god's gift to Earth. Women come after sleep and food. Men come after sex.

As a result, I don't think sex and music should ever mix. Only because I think that music and sex are both equally important. For the mind and to a much lesser extent the body. Music is in a league of it's own. If only people learnt to understand that I wouldn't have such a hard time fitting in. The people who I used to speak music with have moved on. It's just me now. I can understand, not everyone speaks music; everyone has their own passion and loves. But it'd be nice to speak to someone who shares the very same thought. After all, music was never about making money (there are obviously exceptions). It was about expressing what you couldn't say in an artform because there's never really a proper chance given to say such things. As art is, music is. Expressive, exquisite and enticing.

To be truthful, I die a little on the inside when people call certain songs or genres or artists 'shit' unless I happen to think so too [soulja boy, that means you]. I think I'm beginning to move away from people like that. There are too many people who think their opinion is the most important thing in the world. I hate people like that although I'b be a hypocrite because that's probably how I am.

Love is only overrated because the percentage of people who don't have someone to love on a public holiday seem to think so. And they're the only ones who have a mind to say it.

State Of The Art

2008-06-15T11:48:00.003+10:00

Running on 5 hours of sleep...

At State Library today and I just finished my business notes. I'm so internally happy. Now to get started on English and Jap and case studies. Homosex to the maximillion! I actually came on to post this quote that I read.

"With everyone going green with the rise of global warming and the usual shit, I think its best time we really save our fucked up planet that we fucked it up in the first place. Wake up people of Earth!" - takeru-san

http://takeru-san.deviantart.com/art/A-Force-of-Nature-88557431 for a direct link. Dunno if I'm allowed to do that but well, yeah.

Kanpai

2008-06-14T13:48:00.003+10:00

If when you see a couple and you say to yourself, how can someone so hot go out with someone so average, it means you're vain. That's 99% of you motherfuckers.

Note to self: Invent stethoscopes that double as earphones

Joy. Long Weekend.

2008-06-13T20:20:00.002+10:00

Not a real long weekend, obviously. But the way it's going...so not looking forward to this shit. I hate watching films. And tv shows. I like, I love watching tv shows and movies. But the aftereffect they have on me is tremendous. Especially deep or life ones. I suppose it's my own fault for being so inspired after watching them. I wonder if that happens to other people...

As a kid I guess it's normal to get inspired. I can still imagine re-enacting scenes from Power Rangers. I was always Black Ranger. The Mighty Morphin' series was pretty damn racist. Black Ranger was black, Yellow ranger was asian and White Ranger was one white ass guy. Ahh Tommy. I also acted out games I used to love to play. Kingdom Hearts and Tenchu mostly. And I remember watching all those fake asian fighting movies. I'd try those stupid moves out in the backyard. I even recall having a dream I Kamehameha'd at primary school. The trick was to push energy into your hands or something. That was a fun dream.

I remember the string of jobs I wanted to have when I was younger. The first thing I wanted to be was an actor. I guess I thought I was unique or funny or something. But then I grew up realising I sucked at acting. Or at least I didn't have enough determination. Then it was something like ninja. I really really wanted to be a ninja. I guess that was childish so I gave that up. Then I wanted to be a doctor. But I was always the dumbass of my group. And I sucked hard at science. No way that was gonna happen. Then I wanted to be a rockstar. I picked up bass...which lead me to picking up guitar. Then piano. I'm an okay singer too. I figured it'd work out. But since then my level of skill has not increased and has stayed the same and the chances of me ever getting famous is 1:never. Besides, I don't have 'the look'. Or the flair. Or the determination, apparently. I never had someone by my side who was willing to get there with me. There was Henry, but he changes his mind faster than he does his clothes.

Now...I've got nothing. I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to go. I'm going in the direction of an Arts Degree but man I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I have lesser interests than I have real friends. You know what. Time for some FOB. 'Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.'